User names and you…

User names are like a signature on the internet or in the community. I figure if you chose it, you did so to specifically and unequivocally communicate something about yourself.

That being the case, many are a complete turn off for me.

If a submale has a user name that communicates an icky message, he is going to have to work *extra* hard to make me believe he’s actually an intelligent, thinking human being.

I recognise that many of these men with really bad nicknames ARE intelligent, thinking human beings. I know because I have spoken to them, but I do wonder why why why they choose these names that put them at a disadvantage before they have even written a single line. Why?

Examples of names with the ick factor:

  • Names that focus on your fetish: footslave; oralslut; hot4latex, cuckme.
  • Those that offer sexual use to the world: open4yrstrapon, slave4youtouse, toiletpaperboy4u, useme4sex, sexslave4u.
  • Anything with the number ‘4’ in it: see above.
  • Explicit sexual names: bigdick4u, tinycockboy, tongueyrclit, fuckmyarse, sixtyniner.
  • Names that make you look like a fantasist: lockmeup24-7, castrateme, extremesub, nolimitslarry.

If it’s working for you, have at it.

But if you are an intelligent, thoughtful man who created a nickname in the fog of preorgasmic shakiness and you are now finding that it is not serving you so well, I suggest you revisit, rename, and start over.

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38 Comments

  1. So, are you going to tell us why you picked “Ferns” and not “AussieDomme69” or “SomethingcleverreferenceingyourfondnessforfancyfootwearthatIcantthinkofatthemomentbutwillnodoubtcometomeassoonasIvesubmitedthisinitsplace65”

  2. Peroxide: “So, are you going to tell us why you picked “Ferns””

    Ha! I wondered if someone would ask that. I chose it because:

    – I don't immediately want to be identified as female online (e.g. in discussions etc)
    – I am not concerned with D/s labels/titles
    – I am lazy (so wanted something easy to remember and type)
    – It has links to my real name
    – It is also a nick I have been using for a long long time, so has nothing to do with identifying me as a dominant woman, which makes sense to me because that's not the sum of who I am.

    “…[really long label]…”

    *squints* Now look at the mess you made all over my nice clean blog!!

    Ferns

  3. Ferns: Now look at the mess you made all over my nice clean blog!!

    “Sorry, let me clean that up.” *smudges it.* “Oops, here let me just-” *Crashes, tinkling noises* “I'll just pick that up-” *knocks the whole blog over.* “It wasn't me, It was Tom!”

  4. You make a good point – but now i'm wondering about my own name – it was honestly just the first thing that popped in to my head, and being the incredibly lazy man that i am, i ran with it – i'm kinky, i'm a bloke, nuff said really :-P

  5. kinky bloke: “…i'm kinky, i'm a bloke, nuff said really”

    *laugh* Well then, your nick says exactly what you intended it to say, no?

    You aren't looking for a partner, so it really doesn't matter how it comes across, but to me, your nick says that your primary focus is kinky sex (as opposed to being 'just a bloke' or being interested in submission, or being a guy who likes motorbikes etc).

    Ferns

  6. I never gave my nick that much thought. The one I use now was the Nom de guerre I used to post incendiary political commentary on a local site. I just recycled it, being too lazy to think up another one.

  7. kinky bloke: “i had never really given it a whole lot of thought”

    slapshot: “I never gave my nick that much thought.”

    Ahhh… interesting. Actually, those who don't give it any thought also reveal something, no? Neither of you came up with something like 'bitchslut4u' when you didn't think about it…

    Ferns

  8. In the fetish scene, I usually go by the name Welcome Rain.

    It comes from a Ming-dynasty Chinese novel called “The Margins of the Water”. Song Jiang was the leader of a group of bandits and was nicknamed “the Welcome Rain” because his commitment to mercy and justice in a country that didn't have much of either was like a welcome rainfall after a long period of drought.

    I thought it was appropriate for a BDSM handle because I figured that after receiving five thousand identical copy-and-paste messages, a well thought out letter would stand out the same way.

    Splitting Image is the name I use when commenting on political blogs. It is a portmanteau of “Spitting Image” (the TV show), and “Splitter!” from the biography of one Brian of Nazareth.

    Lately I haven't been using my scene nickname as much, and I added your blog to my regular dashboard. Thus the change in nickname. :o)

  9. “Ahhh… interesting. Actually, those who don't give it any thought also reveal something, no? Neither of you came up with something like 'bitchslut4u' when you didn't think about it…”

    Wow. I never thought of it that way, but bullseye.

  10. Spiderache to Fern urgent. Hi. You are right about sign on names. Same holds true for males concerning female sign on names. Foxy4U, 69Switch, and MsClubu4nothing. When I had a lot of pets, I went through a snake stage. This is a common phobia as well as spiders are. It goes back to a nickname I never liked when I was in puberty. I was in denial of the kinky aspects to that. Spider to Fern Out

  11. Ooh, I need to add a section about nicknames to the guide to making friends on fetlife. Terrible nicknames really do put people at a disadvantage. Once you've given the impression that you're thoughtless or shallow, you have to do so much more work to convince people you're worth chatting with.

  12. Stabbity: “Er, I meant the guide to making friends on fetlife *that I'm working on*.”

    *laugh* Let me guess… it's 532 pages long and on every page it says: 'DON'T BE AN ASSHAT!!'

    I'm right, aren't I?!

    Ferns

  13. Ferns,

    Holy carp! I was litterly just sighing at this the other day!

    The only other thing that gets me is the profile pictures in total fetish gear. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get poor college student cooking advice from a guy dressed in a full rubber suit?

  14. dishevelleddomina: “What she said”

    *nod nod* Do I need to give a nudge and a wink to make it seem salacious? *nudge wink…*

    Note to self: Look up where that saying comes from…

    Ferns

  15. Splitting Image: “Welcome Rain… Splitting Image…”

    I like them both, and having cute little stories to tell about them never hurts. And plus, I had to look up 'portmanteau'… Nicely done.

    “I added your blog to my regular dashboard…”

    Woo hoo! I'll sit smugly on your regular dashboard with the political hoity toity and await the heated debate about… um… strap-on sex as a tool of the 1%… or something… *shakes fist wildly*

    Ferns

  16. Anonymous: “Same holds true for males concerning female sign on names. Foxy4U, 69Switch, and MsClubu4nothing.”

    It does, it's true. Why did I not mention them? Because I don't know any of those women, and I suspect that a Domme's poorly chosen nickname probably doesn't impact their experience *that* much. I could be wrong, of course.

    Ferns

  17. D: “Now you tell me. I'm going to go stand over there and try to look inconspicuous…”

    *laugh* Too late!!! I like your nick: it makes me laugh and is revealed as a misnomer as soon as you open your mouth!

    I always liked the nickname MistressBitchyPants myself.

    Ferns

  18. Simply Jake: “Do you have any idea how hard it is to get poor college student cooking advice from a guy dressed in a full rubber suit?”

    *smile* I know what you mean. Trying to take heartfelt, upsetting relationship problems seriously when you are looking at, say, a close up of the woman in question choking on a cock is no easy feat.

    Ferns

  19. I often become troubled when I see names like SexySlave22, not because of the “SexySlave” part but because the number no longer matches the age listed in their online profile(s), which incidentally is usually calculated based on their date of birth.

    Making your current age a part of your handle is unsustainable!!! Yes, that needed three exclamation marks.

  20. clawlesscat: “Making your current age a part of your handle is unsustainable!!! Yes, that needed three exclamation marks.”

    *laugh* This was my first genuine 'laugh out loud' moment of the day. Thank you! And yes, it definitely needed three – I thought you were quite restrained!

    Ferns

  21. Twoo is a response to the idea that there is one true way to be a Dominant. So I turned it all cutesy and poked fun at it. Domina has a little more dignity to offset the cuteness.

  22. submissivedude: “I think for mine, I was just going for a good balance between simplicity and honesty.”

    Yep that works. 'Dude' makes me assume an age group… mid 20s? Or mid 30s and living in the past *snerk*?

    Ferns

  23. Twoo Domina: “Twoo is a response to the idea that there is one true way to be a Dominant.”

    That totally works. What you need now is a submissive who you can dub “WealSubmissive” because that would be hellishly funny.

    Ferns

  24. Stabbity: “I thought maybe I'd mix it up a little and put 'DON'T BE AN ASSCLOWN!!' on some pages.”

    Good thinking! I'd hate for readers to get bored!

    Ferns

  25. “Ferns” not giving away you're female? What made you think that, I wonder.

    On the other site I go by you-know-what. I flatter myself with the idea that nickname is “burned”.

    There is one kind of user name I find mildly irritating– those that refer to the user's BDSM role (especially d-types):

    MasterThis, SirThat, MistressTheOtherThing, SlaveWhatever

    By “forcing” me to use such a name online, a d-type is, to a small degree, requiring me to acknowledge his/her bdsm role, when no such relationship exists between us. This is especially irksome in the case of men. In the real life scene, I'd address SirThat as “That” (and if he doesn't like it we don't need to speak again), LadyHot as “Hot” (if I know her well enough, and she is OK with that.) Online, it can be a bit of a problem. I use @OP liberally, when possible. Otherwise, with women I let it slide (@LadyMeanie? No problem) But I've been known to refer to @MasterDummkopf as @Dummkopf–they're not amused, and it may be rude, but hey–he is not my “master”, and never will be. Ditto for s-type women: @SlaveSweetLittleThing is just @SweetLittleThing for me.

    Kien

  26. Kien: “”Ferns” not giving away you're female? What made you think that, I wonder.”

    You think it does, as a nick? I used it on sites before the kink world and found it pretty neutral (i.e. certainly, I never got 'female-type' attention with it).

    “On the other site I go by you-know-what. I flatter myself with the idea that nickname is “burned”.”

    *laugh* Ok, you intrigue me now. Am I supposed to know who you are? I don't. Are you my archnemesis, my mortal enemy? Must I now bring out swords and weasels and magic potions?!

    “There is one kind of user name I find mildly irritating– those that refer to the user's BDSM role (especially d-types)”

    I don't care really, I'm happy to call someone MistressGoddessFabulousOne in a discussion forum *shrug*. No skin off my nose. However, I will not call them something that offends me (because it's really crass)… I tend to go for initials then.

    I have never had the 'Master/Mistress/slave' honorific happen to me in real life.

    Ferns

  27. I have a lot of different nicks that I’ve used online. There are the throwaways…the ones I use once and never come back to and end up forgetting forever. And there are the ones that stick a little better.

    Mystery Date is just for my blog. Because when I started the blog about romance I felt a little bit like I wanted an air of mystery to remain about me. I could be anybody or nobody. I never played that game as a child, but I knew people who did. *shrug* It seemed fitting.

    brokenshin, the email used for the blog, is a play on another name I’ve used. I’ve never broken my shins, nor do I plan on doing so. It was originally intended to be a throwaway, but it stuck.

    Other nicks are inside jokes for friends, loosely based on my real name in one way or another, drawn from books or movies or activities I love, or, in some cases, just really fit both me and the site I’m creating a nick for.

    Do I have any nicks that fit into the categories above? Yes. Two. Both on sites where I wouldn’t exactly be approaching people for friendships or romantic relationships. Porn and pure cruising sites call for crude names. The name needs to say, “Here is what I have to offer, but you only get it once.” Why? Because everyone actually taking time to look at my profile on those sites isn’t interested in who I am, they’re interested in what I will or will not do for them. And most of the time, they’re not looking at my profile. So my name has to communicate it too.

    I assume people with crude names in fetlife and collarme are initially attempting to use them as a porn or cruising site. So they are of much less interest to me than those who do not appear to be doing so. I like to think I’ve grown out off that sort of behavior. Because I am superior.

  28. ~laughs~ I feel this way about usernames too just like I actually hate it when a woman immediately posts a nude picture demeaning herself before even speaking to you. Really if you cannot offer any intelligence or mystery then I find myself bored.

    brattyboi- I created it because people often say if I need reassurance or if I am just in a playful mood I will “nudge” a Dominant or person in my life in a respectful way just to get a nudge back that you are still there and all is okay or to lighten the mood. I think its funny that after creating it on FL I was approached by many telling me how bad it is to be considered a brat. Of course boi comes from just being a tomboy.

    mysticlez- I have always had this for years actually. A good friend of mine said I was mysterious always holding back some of me for you to have to figure out. And of course I had already come out as a lesbian so she put it together as mysticlez. She would actually always call me Her mysticlez and we would laugh about it. In 2009 she was tired of being sick all the time and was already dying so she took her life. I have kept it and will always keep it and consider at times having it tattooed on me.

    Respectfully,
    mysticlez

  29. This article really helped me out. Maybe I have been thinking too much what I would have my pets call me…. perhaps that’s my issue, blocking myself out. Hmm

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