My sent emails XXIV

Bless_im (29yo submale, California):

ı will move nextmount AUS.

___

Me:

Bless your heart. That message is almost unintelligible and it only contains 5 words! I’m sure you can do better if you really wanted to.

___

Bless_im:

hello Ms Ferns. my name is peter… ı m 28 y old… europian bloood boy… ı will move next mount in queen Aus… may ı talk whit u?

___

Me:

Hello peter,

That was better, thank you. All you need now is punctuation, and ‘m’ and ‘u’ are not words.

I assume that English is not your first language, so I understand it may be quite difficult for you, but you are just being lazy.

Regardless, at 28, you are too young for me and I would require seriously sizzling compatibility to be convinced otherwise.

Best of luck in your search.

___

Bless_im:

ı begg YOU 1 luck… plz YOU can pee my mouth

___

*laugh* I eyerolled so hard I gave myself a headache…

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16 Comments

  1. Honestly, who could resist that sort of offer?

    If you're not swooning and running for the smelling salts, I'll assume your heart is made of stone.

    YOU can pee his mouth. You read that part, right?

    [end sarcasm]

    :)

  2. D: “YOU can pee his mouth. You read that part, right?”

    Oh god, I missed that part!!! Maybe if I am quick, I can still have a shot!! *runs off to email before the window of opportunity closes*

    Ferns

  3. The best of it is that you Ferns used the opportunity to help in a kind way and wished him well.

    You will note that I could not lower myself to make a joke here whit him.

    Satan

  4. Satan: “The best of it is that you Ferns used the opportunity to help in a kind way and wished him well.”

    If I think he is sincere and clueless, I will generally give it a go.

    “You will note that I could not lower myself to make a joke here whit him.”

    *laugh* Plz to c YOU didn't!

    Ferns

  5. You are much better at being gracious about these things than I am.

    My initial response varies from annoyed to offended and then if there is a distinct glimmer of hope I might handle it kindly, otherwise curtly minimal good manners is about standard.

    How do you do this?
    It's possible you are just a nicer person than I am but I react to these messages badly. It's been years now, and I still react to them badly. I just posted about this in fact.
    So what is your secret?

  6. Cpug: “Oh Good Lord Frens you do find 'em”

    *laugh* No no… they find ME! It's my irresistable magnetic aura!

    Or, you know, being a female dominant on a kink site…

    Ferns

  7. dishevelleddomina: “How do you do this?”

    Ha! I don't think it has anything to do with being nice necessarily. I genuinely find them amusing and curiously baffling. They have nothing to do with me, so I don't feel offended by them. Sending replies (and I reply to all of my email) often makes me laugh.

    I'm not sure if I have a particularly high tolerance, but random strangers on the internet would have to work much harder than that to irritate me. If I was to get annoyed at idiots on the internet, I would be annoyed a lot, so I just choose not to. And sometimes… *sometimes*… I get a guy whose light suddenly switches on, and I think 'huzzah!!' and do a little dance of joy.

    I found this recently, and I was *very* tempted to go that route with this sender, but couldn't be bothered in the end. I expect I will at some stage, though, because that's some funny stuff!

    Ferns

  8. dishevelleddomina. Hey. All I know is you seem nice. I hate to think of you getting offensive mail on and on. What to do?

    If you feel like one then go on and be a Devil. Go on and write back in anger. But don’t bother to send at once. Sleep on it. Then send it.

    There may be some better way to say your say.

    I do love Ferns’ way with this.

    Satan

  9. OMG!
    I so love that, but definitely too much effort to be trotted out often.

    To tell you the truth unless the author is mostly comprehensible I don't even bother to reply, after that the curtness of my response tends to depend on his manners.

    I really do love that Warcraft conversation, Coug, Ferns, you are fab.

  10. He really is deserving of the standard response from the Fetlife ‘Return To Sender’ group.

    “He seems nice.”

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