A story in two parts from the lovely Switcher00… You know patience is a virtue, right?!
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Author: Switcher00
Part 1- The End
So that was it. Another blind alley – another bloody and bitter failure. And this time it was me who had pulled the plug – it wasn’t the woman. But I’d had to do it.
She was dominant, yes – wonderfully dominant. She was also intelligent, amusing, and seemed to have a heart. Hell, she was even attractive. But she wan’t mine, and might never be.
We’d had a very light session the first time I visited her, and spent a lovely evening and day together, and I was looking forward to seeing her again the following week, and spending a few days together. I enjoyed her company, and it felt as if a real connection might form between us.
She freely admitted she was normally polyamorous, but said that when in a loving relationship she was monogamous – and I was starting to think that might enough of a basis to take a chance with her.
It would just be a training relationship, she explained. She wouldn’t be my mistress, but rather ‘a’ mistress who was training me. And I was a very lucky boy, she assured me. Several of her old subs had been in touch and expressed envy at my exalted position. So I should be grateful for the chance to have her play with me.
All of this meant she was under no obligation to be exclusive to me in any sense, which at this early stage I wasn’t too bothered about.
It also meant, very importantly, that I was free to pursue other contacts too.
But after our first session a few days before, she had planted a terminal seed of doubt in my mind as we laughed over our meal later that evening. She admitted that there was a vanilla man she wanted to be with, as her long term objective.
‘A vanilla man? Are you sure that’s wise for the long term?’ I’d asked her, already feeling a twinge of jealousy.
‘Of course. Do you think I still want to be fucking 30 year old men, when I am 50?’ was her succinct explanation.
She couldn’t approach him yet, because he was having a personal life crisis. But in due course (whenever that was) she would ask him, and they would life happily ever after as a vanilla couple.
At that precise moment, a clock began ticking which could only end with our new relationship exploding. Thoughts began to trickle uncomfortably into my mind as the evening wore on, and as we sat joking with her friends that night, and as we shopped the next day.
What genuinely dominant person could think she would be able to live happily with a man who was not submissive to her? Even I knew that was foolishness, and it was doomed to very complicated unhappiness.
And more importantly, it set a very definite end point on our own burgeoning relationship. I knew almost for certain that at some point, perhaps within a few months, my ‘services’ would no longer be required.
But already, I felt I liked this woman, and I respected her. How was I going to feel in six months, when I was asked to leave?
There are some people who can continue down an emotional path that is steep and rocky, and very uncertain – perhaps because at least they have a companion on that journey, whereas the other road towards their future lies empty.
For me the alternative road was indeed empty, as it had been before, and would probably be for many months and perhaps years to come.
But when I knew that this rocky and dangerous path offered such a slim chance of success, and when I considered that at my age I was running out of time to get to my destination, something switched off inside me.
I am one of those unfortunate people who find it impossible to feign happiness when something is bothering me. If there is a problem, it has to come out – it has be resolved, or I feel I will burst with frustration.
And my response, once her revelation about the vanilla man sunk in, was to go cold. It wasn’t deliberate, because I can’t control my feelings that way. But my submissiveness simply evaporated.
I think subconsciously I felt that, if I wasn’t going to have to obey this woman in 6 months time – if it was all going to be ‘switched off’ as easily and tidily as a light bulb in just a few months – then how could I obey her now? Why should I obey her?
It simply didn’t add up, emotionally.
Because for me, submission IS an emotion, and is no more controllable than any other emotion. Without at least the chance of a future together, my emotions seemed to simply wither away – the submission included.
When I told her, and cancelled my visit the next week, she was disappointed, but took it well – she was an old campaigner – she’d been a vanilla swinger for over a decade before ever getting into D/s. She knew about casual relationships, and this wouldn’t have been the first time one of those had crashed. She was thick skinned but I could tell that it hurt. She liked me, but it was her way or no way – she needed freedom to see whichever man she chose, and to get together with her vanilla guy in the long term. And if a woman has to be free to have any man she chooses, then we are not actually in a relationship, because I don’t actually have any worthwhile commitment from her. There is no actual relationship to worry about.
That was her way. So it was no way.
It was over.
I was sad, and I wondered if I’d done the right thing; but I couldn’t help my feelings, and that was that.
I was single again, and I was free.
But my being free, as it turned out just a few weeks later, was the best and luckiest thing that could ever have happened to me.
// Part II here…
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This post is part of a project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories. If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns at domme-chronicles dot com).