This is what a scam looks like

So, you (submissive male ‘you’) have emailed with someone for a while, she seems perfect, she ‘gets’ you, you have a lot in common, she likes your kinks, she thinks you are special. Then she asks for money. You go ‘hang on!’ and you baulk.

Then she sends something like this (actual email below). It is designed to hit every insecurity and doubt button you may have.

I am disappointed that you seem to want to fail so early and ruin everything but this is why I set this test. There are literally thousands of so called submissives who promise to do anything but really are just selfish and are only interested in themselves. This test is basically full proof in that respect as someone would never send a cash gift if they are a selfish person or disingenuous. Most just want to be submissive in their fantasy dreams and come out with unoriginal excuses trying to explain how wrong it would be to send a gift thinking they are being clever. Not realising of course that they have immediately stereotyped themselves, no woman wants a man who spends time thinking up ways to be selfish.

If what I have described in previous e mails is what you truly seek then you will not hesitate and understand why I have asked it. It is a significant show of trust and in terms of a long term relationship is nothing. Those looking for a quick masturbate would never send anything. If you refuse to obey then it is self explanatory no matter what you think, I have had far too much experience with fantasists and also real submissive men who are genuine so know the difference. If all you want to do is be submissive on your own terms and conditions then no Dominatrix will be interested in you.

I had thought we were getting a connection. The choice is send a gift through alertpay which is like paypal or goodbye. If you dont do as ordered then there is no need for any further emails as we will never meet. I will look elsewhere, so good luck in your life. Think carefully if you decline though as the opportunity will not be repeated by Me, dont miss it through being obstinate and its hardly like Im asking you to chop your arm off.

Do not judge me by standards of others either, you must move in strange circles!!

Goddess

It is not as simple as ‘Hello, send me money’, the sting comes after there has been promising conversations, after there is some emotional investment and when there some hope.

It sucks.

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26 Comments

  1. Wow. That's really tough. It almost makes me ashamed of not wanting to give money to dominants. I hope that the submissives who get these e-mails are confident enough to see through that farce.

  2. boy you really HAVE been watching Xena Warrior Princess.

    Also you didn't Goddess's alertpay account number. How am I supposed to prove myself to her now?

  3. N: “I hope that the submissives who get these e-mails are confident enough to see through that farce.”

    I think quite a few aren't, and these things can be very convincing to the new, the eager, the hopeful, the vulnerable, the unsure. I am always glad when I see someone asking 'Is this normal?' and am disappointed when people roll their eyes as if they are idiots. If the scammer is good, they can be very convincing, and there is so much misinformation out there, that many newbies no longer know what is 'normal'.

    The 'no Domme will be interested in you' line is a horrible one.

    Ferns

  4. Anonymous: “boy you really HAVE been watching Xena Warrior Princess.”

    Well, duh! Who doesn't?!!! She's awesome!

    “Also you didn't Goddess's alertpay account number. How am I supposed to prove myself to her now?”

    You can just send a paypal payment straight to my email (you'll find that in my blogger profile, top left). I will forward it to her, I pinky promise.

    Ferns

  5. “the opportunity will not be repeated by *Me*”

    “Do not judge *me*”

    So did she capitalize “me” for a specific reason or did she mess up on the lack of the capitalization on the other one?

    “Goddess”

    Lol I hope no girl ever asks me to seriously call her that…

    Anyway, I probably wouldn't have sent her money either. Partly because it seems like she calls herself “Goddess” and actually takes it seriously (which makes me not take her seriously) and also because it seems a little to scam-y to me. Who bases whether or not a relationship goes forward or not based on whether or not the other person sends you money?

    1. Who bases whether or not a relationship goes forward or not based on whether or not the other person sends you money?

      A findom does. It’s not a scam folks its a legit fantasey. His response should be “I’m not looking for financial domination goodness, I prefer physical domination” its that simple. And if he’s willing to pay tribute for physical domination this can be done in person to avoid online scams.

      What’s more entertaining than reading a thread full of people with fetishes judge other peoples fetishes lol

      1. Mz Scarlette,

        There is a huge difference between a legitimate, ethical findom and a scammer.

        I have no problem with ETHICAL findoms. Ethical findoms state up-front that financial domination is their thing: They clearly state what they want, and men who enjoy that will happily engage.

        Ethical findoms do NOT pretend to be offering a personal relationship, wax lyrical about the amazing connection they feel with someone, lie about what they are offering, and then use a submissive’s emotional confusion and hopefulness to demand money.

        Lying about intent and asking for money under false pretences = scammer.

        It’s not complicated.

        Ferns

  6. Thank you for this Ferns. When I was first exploring my subby side I did in fact have an interaction with a Domme who acted similarly and asked for a gift up front. I did reject the invitation to give her a gift but was wracked with doubt and feelings that I was doing it wrong and that this was accepted protocol. Your posting did ease a feeling I have been carrying for several years (although I did not realize I was carrying it)that I was soehow inadequate as a Submissive.

    robert

  7. I hear about this quite a bit from the subs that I've talked to. I've never read one of the emails, but I think it is pitiful to be manipulating the very feelings and tendencies of the subs for finanical gain, Unless that is the agreed upon dynamic between the two ppl.

    Faith

  8. That's horrible! The part that really creeps me out is how well that awful person understands submissive men's insecurities, and then cold-heartedly uses every one of them to make money.

  9. Ferns! I sent that email in confidence you had no right to post it!

    yours in litigation
    Coug

    P.S.
    joke for the folks who didn't get it

  10. This is business to these 'women'… which often, from what I have heard also refuse to voice or cam with men. So really the scam could be going much deeper. It gives domination a bad name. Financial domination works for some, to each their own I guess. Being used is being used. But far too many of my submissive friends have had this happen to them. It's very discouraging for anyone genuinely looking.

    Brids, I would like to add… You find the right woman, you will call her Goddess because YOU believe it. I laughed at it myself once, as I do most self proclaimed titles… but I admit once my beast called me Goddess on his own accord, it grew on me swiftly! meow!

    “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.”
    Margaret Thatcher

  11. I've always considered this sort of scam to be especially heinous. It very strongly reminds me of juvenile bullying and 'give me your lunch money or we can't be friends.'

  12. Haha i get these all the time, the funny ones are those you get from a bank “your account has been suspended” and you dont even have a bank account from that company. They will chance their luck with anything these people…

  13. Brids: “So did she capitalize “me” for a specific reason or did she mess up on the lack of the capitalization on the other one?”

    I'd hazard a guess that the presentation of this sort of persona capitalises personal pronouns to show uber domliness.

    “Anyway, I probably wouldn't have sent her money either.”

    Good!

    Ferns

  14. robert: “When I was first exploring my subby side I did in fact have an interaction with a Domme who acted similarly and asked for a gift up front. I did reject the invitation to give her a gift but was wracked with doubt and feelings that I was doing it wrong and that this was accepted protocol.”

    Ugh! I can well imagine the inner voice going “Should I/shouldn't I?” and the doubt afterwards that you missed out on something amazing if you didn't. It is ugly.

    “Your posting did ease a feeling I have been carrying for several years (although I did not realize I was carrying it)that I was soehow inadequate as a Submissive.”

    Oh, I am so glad to hear that!! I know that they do play heavily on the 'well you aren't a real submissive then!' schtick. It is so destructive… grrrrrrr!!!!

    Good on you for seeing through it!

    Ferns

  15. Faith: “…I think it is pitiful to be manipulating the very feelings and tendencies of the subs for finanical gain”

    YES! That's it, right? It plays on vulnerabilities and inexperience and exploits them. Ugh!

    Ferns

  16. Stabbity: “That's horrible! The part that really creeps me out is how well that awful person understands submissive men's insecurities, and then cold-heartedly uses every one of them to make money.”

    It is horrible, yes! It is much less distressing if the scammers are stupid and obvious and simple minded. But often, they aren't. They just have to plant enough doubt to get their target over the line.

    Ferns

  17. Coug: “I sent that email in confidence you had no right to post it!”

    *laugh*

    “yours in litigation”

    Bring it, sister! Once I tell the judge that you don't like brie or willies, they will know you are a nutter and throw it out uncontested!

    Ferns

  18. Sweets: “This is business to these 'women'… which often, from what I have heard also refuse to voice or cam with men.”

    You are right to put 'women' in inverted commas. They are mostly not. Many of them are well run organised scams run by men. I can well imagine the incredulous response if one of the submissives asked for a voice call or cam verification ('you aren't a true submissive, you don't get to demand things of me…' etc)

    “Financial domination works for some, to each their own I guess.”

    Agreed. This is a different discussion.

    “It's very discouraging for anyone genuinely looking.”

    It is, yes, very.

    Ferns

  19. OnyxCoquelicot: “It very strongly reminds me of juvenile bullying and 'give me your lunch money or we can't be friends.'”

    That analogy made me chuckle… I'd add to it that the one being bullied is new to the school, doesn't speak the language, has no other friends and really thinks the bully is lovely…

    Ferns

  20. Andrea Toys: “Haha i get these all the time, the funny ones are those you get from a bank “your account has been suspended” and you dont even have a bank account from that company. They will chance their luck with anything these people…”

    True, scammers are everywhere. The difference between the “Your bank account has been suspended” or “I am a Nigerian prince” and these is that those don't exploit your emotional vulnerabilities with the promise of the relationship you have always wanted.

    Both are after your money, but these can be emotionally damaging.

    Ferns

  21. Quick!
    Someone is exploiting the subs! Turn on the Ferns Signal!

    Look, Ferns, someone needs our help!

    Clarence the Bratboy Wonder…

  22. Clarence the Bratboy Wonder: “Look, Ferns, someone needs our help!”

    Holy emptying wallet, Bratboy!!! Quick, to the Fernsmobile!! *~zoinks…pop… splat… whirrr… zap!!!!~*

    Ferns

  23. Findomme is just hiring someone to do your bidding not theirs. Femdomme on the other hand is beautiful. I can always pay someone to do whatever I want and that is just hiring someone as an employee. On the other hand I can have a relationship. In a real relationship people care about each other. There is powerplay but also love but in this society it is all mixed up.

    I will reiterate: I can hire someone to play dominant for me. But the one who pays is the boss; make no mistake. I have no problem with pay for work. If you want to be paid then you do what I tell you. If you want a relationship then we are equals. Get it?

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