Numbers game

For all the bleating all over the kinky sites on the internet about how male subs are a dime a dozen, they are everywhere, they are common as muck and outnumber dominant women about a billion to one, I have an observation, just one, a single one…

I looked into a bondage workshop that was happening in my local area last week. There was a public list of those who were ‘going’ and ‘maybe going’. Of 59 possible attendees listed there, 2 were submissive men. THIS is what that looks like *:

Just sayin’.

* Wheee, a graph!!! You know I have the hots for graphs!

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22 Comments

  1. Nekki: “Wow, what a very strange local area you have”

    I found it surprising also, and I am not really involved much in the community, so can't make broad statements about my area. Though my other observation is that at munches I have attended, it's mostly 1:1 Dommes:submissive males.

    Ferns

  2. Jack: “The other ninety percent were what and how many?”

    That would have made for a much more thorough and interesting analysis, wouldn't it?! But I am lazy, so frankly, I didn't look further than to note that there were more than two dominant women going. I am pretty confident to assume that most were maledoms and femsubs.

    Ferns

  3. The area we live in is in the south, USA – and it is all male doms and sub women. There is an occasional sub male that writes, but too shy to come around (or just fantasizing) and a few new dominant women are showing up.

    I dont buy the numbers game about all those sub men around either.
    But, I do think it depends on your area.

    MistressKimm

  4. Wow, Ferns. I am truly shocked, and dismayed at this news, as well as MistressKimms' note. I had no idea. What is it with Maledom anyway, I don't get it? Really?

  5. Since it's in a graph, it's a little more reassuring but then again, I often don't go to those things due to 1) I don't wanna go alone and 2) people aren't likely to approach you if you're with someone, especially if they're female (which they would be) so I'm just overall kind of screwed in that situation.

  6. MistressKimm: “I dont buy the numbers game about all those sub men around either. But, I do think it depends on your area.”

    I expect you are right, and I imagine it depends on the event also. I'm not really involved in the community here, so can't really comment on either for my area.

    Ferns

  7. Yardbird: Wow, Ferns. I am truly shocked, and dismayed at this news, as well as MistressKimms' note. I had no idea.”

    For the male submissives, this should be *good* news… it means that out there in the world, they are in demand…

    “What is it with Maledom anyway, I don't get it? Really?”

    *shrug* Poor deluded fools, they just don't know any better…

    Ferns

  8. Brids: “Since it's in a graph, it's a little more reassuring”

    It is isn't it? Graphs… *happy sigh*

    “I often don't go to those things due to 1) I don't wanna go alone and 2) people aren't likely to approach you if you're with someone, especially if they're female (which they would be) so I'm just overall kind of screwed in that situation.

    I can understand not wanting to go alone, but if you go with someone, I don't think that would be too much of a barrier to women talking with you. I will pretty much talk to anyone.

    Ferns

  9. My local community is also primarily sub women and dom men. The sub women sometimes complain they are a dime a dozen.

    We go much more often to the explicitly femdom events than the general ones, not because we don't like the maledom folks, but simply because we like being around other folks like us. This probably exacerbates the imbalance at the general events.

    (Miss, I just got done generating pages and pages of graphs, using python from our financial systems. I got tired of my employees doing them by hand and getting them wrong. :-) )

  10. Étienne: “We go much more often to the explicitly femdom events than the general ones… because we like being around other folks like us.”

    Yes, that makes perfect sense.

    “Miss, I just got done generating pages and pages of graphs…”

    Are you teasing me with graph-porn?!! You so are! *laugh

    Ferns

  11. Whoo!.. Graphs!

    Oh, and, it's not so much that Male subs are “A dime a dozen” but that, in comparison to the number of Dommes, we might as well be in most areas.

  12. little bunny: “Oh, and, it's not so much that Male subs are “A dime a dozen” but that, in comparison to the number of Dommes, we might as well be in most areas.”

    Yeahhh… nup. I think many *assume* it happens in 'most areas' because 'everyone says so', when in fact those who say that mostly take their observations from the internet, where self identified submissives do indeed outnumber self identified Dommes by a pretty fair whack.

    Ferns

  13. If you count all the guys typing with one hand online, then yes, the mythical ratio holds true. But in the flesh-and-blood bdsm community, it's much more even.

    Something else to keep in mind is that communities can change over time. When I first got involved in my local scene (6-7 years ago) it was 95% maledom people. That's been changing, and now it's closer to 60% maledom, 40% femdom.

  14. Ferns said…

    “if you go with someone, I don't think that would be too much of a barrier to women talking with you. I will pretty much talk to anyone.”

    That's not my experience; if I go to the club (in Atlanta) alone, I have to be lucky to find a woman interested in talking, let alone playing. If I go with my partner, everyone assumes we're there to play with each other (we're not), so we separate. Last time this happened, a woman approached me and we started talking. At some point she asked if I was there with somebody, and upon hearing the answer just walked away. Different goals, I guess.

    I go to parties at the club when I can afford to (it includes a 250 mi drive and a hotel night). I don't care if the event is F/m or all-inclusive, I'm just happy if it is well-attended (not always true). And I rarely post that I'm planning to attend. First, privacy: I don't particularly care to have (kinky) people where I live know what I'm up to. Second, it seems a little narcissistic: I'm a middle-aged out-of-town partnered male sub; why would anyone care?

    It would have been interesting to include the female doms in your graph. I often engage in such counts myself, and the result is usually that almost none announce they're attending–the count is about the same as the male subs. I wonder if more male subs announcing their presence would encourage female doms to attend, but I rather think the other way around is more likely: if more (dom) women announced, more (sub) men would consider going. Maybe this is all regional. Maybe I should start looking for jobs in Australia.

  15. pureliquidkink: “When I first got involved in my local scene (6-7 years ago) it was 95% maledom people. That's been changing, and now it's closer to 60% maledom, 40% femdom.”

    Thank you for that estimated growth figure, it's most encouraging (I am tempted to make a graph for illustrative purposes, but will resist… heh…)!

    Ferns

  16. Anonymous: “That's not my experience; if I go to the club (in Atlanta) alone, I have to be lucky to find a woman interested in talking, let alone playing. If I go with my partner, everyone assumes we're there to play with each other (we're not), so we separate.”

    I must admit I was thinking more about munches and workshops where I will happily talk to whoever I happen to be sitting near…

    I find play parties a bit different, and am probably not a good one to comment on it because I haven't played in public for a million years, and would expect that talking to boys at play parties would lead them to think that I want to play with them… so yes, I would be much more reluctant to do it there.

    “Second, it seems a little narcissistic: I'm a middle-aged out-of-town partnered male sub; why would anyone care?”

    Yes, I get that and have no idea how many don't publicly post that information, BUT had I seen that there were a lot of sub males going to the workshop, I might have been more tempted to go on my own and hoped that I might find a buddy to do the workshop with.

    “It would have been interesting to include the female doms in your graph.”

    True, I will take a look next time. Suffice it to say there were at least an equal number of female dominants going.

    “Maybe this is all regional. Maybe I should start looking for jobs in Australia.”

    *laugh* I suspect there are a bunch of factors including region, day of the week, location, weather, type of event etc etc… But yes, all sub males should move to Australia… definitely!

    Ferns

  17. DD: “…now I have graph envy.”

    *nods sympathetically* Graph envy is a common affliction… You are lucky I didn't do a Venn diagram… they are the sexiest of the graph family and inspire the envy of all who see them…!

    Ferns

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