Kissing play parties

People go to play parties and hit strangers with implements…

I would rather go to a play party, find some beautiful boy with a stunning, full lipped, ‘hurt me’ mouth and a shy demeanour, shove him into a corner and just make out like he is the last drink of water in the desert. To build it up excruciatingly slowly so he doesn’t see the violence coming, to make his lips bleed and his eyes run with the ferocity of it and then tenderly make it better with impossible softness and innocent bobbi-sox kisses behind the bleachers before I open him up again.  I want to rub myself raw on his mouth.

Is that acceptable play party behaviour?  Discuss.

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39 Comments

  1. “Is that acceptable play party behaviour?”

    In my head, absolutely. In real life, probably not. I tend to giggle and laugh when I'm kissing which in turn tends to make hot moments more like “Brids wtf, are you on drugs?” moments. But I'm sure that's just me.

  2. Brids: “I tend to giggle and laugh when I'm kissing which in turn tends to make hot moments more like “Brids wtf, are you on drugs?” moments. But I'm sure that's just me.”

    *laugh* Funny! And yes, I suspect it's just you, Brids!

    Ferns

  3. Go for it! As long as the object of your affection/molestation is up for it, consensually speaking. And with you, Ferns, what subby type guy would not?

    robert

  4. While I have never actually been to a play party, (I just attended my first munch a couple of weeks ago) it would seem to me that a lot of snarling, biting kissing would be a lot more fun than being hit with various objects. … Only my opinion of course.

  5. LOL I read this to my boy and he breathlessly said, “yeahhhh” to the question of whether or not it was acceptable play party behavior…LOL

    Faith

  6. robert: “As long as the object of your affection/molestation is up for it, consensually speaking. And with you, Ferns, what subby type guy would not?”

    Good question!! There is nary a doubt that the beautiful-mouthed boy would be up for it… I hear they can be quite slutty, those submissive boys…

    Ferns

  7. slapshot: “…it would seem to me that a lot of snarling, biting kissing would be a lot more fun than being hit with various objects.”

    For me too!

    The difficulty, I guess, is that the type of intimacy for kissing with said stranger is very different from 'normal' play activities, and plus, I am sure there would be plenty of “that's not BDSM!” exclamations of disdain from the peanut gallery who wouldn't get it.

    Still, I'd vote for it, if given a vote, assuming voting were instigated and I was invited to vote, I'd be voting!

    Ferns

  8. Faith: “I read this to my boy and he breathlessly said, “yeahhhh” to the question of whether or not it was acceptable play party behavior…”

    *laugh* Yessss!!!

    Ferns

  9. I think it's tip top hon and would be so much more fun to perv errrr I mean watch detachedly than the usual run of the mill spanky spanky stuff that goes on a lot of the time.

    Coug

  10. Coug: “…would be so much more fun to perv errrr I mean watch detachedly…”

    *grin* Funnily, I was thinking that it would be much *less* of a spectator-friendly type of play than the big violent smacky stuff…

    I'm not really a voyeur, but I do like seeing play that has passion in it and that.. that… well… *swoon*.

    Ferns

  11. Is that acceptable play party behaviour?

    Is there any other kind of behavior that would be acceptable? Of course not.

    Some play parties have an extraordinary energy that just can't be replicated anywhere else. Go for it, and enjoy without moderation.

    :))

    Dymion

  12. Not at any of the play parties I went to and went I do no more. Play parties are not for demonstration of desire. Play parties are strictly for posturing, dress ups and who has what toy registries. Throw in a little rudeness, ignorance, bad food on horrid plastic plates and blah blah rant rant.

  13. I love kissing the sub I'm playing with now. Kissing, sucking on his lips, biting him, then kissing again.

    However, it did freak me out a bit once when he started bleeding and I accidentally swallowed some blood. After that I decided that this kind of play is probably best practiced within a monogamous relationship, just to be on the safe side. ;)

    -Kitty

  14. Dymion: “Go for it, and enjoy without moderation.”

    *smile* Thank you! This means I actually have to *go* to one, right? Perhaps I can order in.

    Ferns

  15. Anonymous: “Play parties are not for demonstration of desire.”

    I have found this often to be true, though my experience is limited… I rarely saw any play that I thought was born of passion, but when I did… phew!

    “…blah blah rant rant…”

    I'm sorry you had such bad experiences! Would the kissing have helped (silly question, of course it would!)?

    Ferns

  16. Kitty: “I love kissing the sub I'm playing with now. Kissing, sucking on his lips, biting him, then kissing again.”

    *sigh* Kissing is soooo underrated just generally and as D/s play! I adore it.

    Ferns

  17. In fairness most if not all public play parties have to be VERY careful in what can/cannot be done in public which does tend to cut down on both action and emotion on display. I've found private ones much more fun and the grubs better too!

    Coug

  18. Coug: “In fairness most if not all public play parties have to be VERY careful in what can/cannot be done in public which does tend to cut down on both action and emotion on display.”

    I get that the rules influence what people can and can't do, but I'm not convinced that really impacts people having 'connected' play (for want of a better term). Having said that, I think you hit on something in that the environment probably isn't conducive to showing passion, it makes people vulnerable and it's still a shared space, so a lot safer to trot out the pretty 'thwak thwak' than to reveal emotions.

    I guess most play that I have seen simply looks detached and rather cold (it is perception only, how the participants *feel* may be quite different), and for me, it means that when I actually see what I recognise as 'connected' play, where the participants are really *into each other*, I am drawn to it with delight and pleasure.

    Ferns

  19. I'm always late to the comments party.. but OMG I SOOOOOOO agree!

    Being very new to all this, I got all excited when they recently opened a new dungeon here in town. I'm quite the exhibitionist and loved the thought of getting my kinky, sexy play on in a public venue. BUT *siiiiiiigggggghhhhhh* I was bored to tears with what really went on. We left after just an hour feeling very uninspired.

    And I know for a fact, as a private club, there isn't much limit to the rules they have to follow. I'm a member of the local swinger club as well and well, lets just say.. I think the swingers here have better imaginations! LOL

    Though as Coug said, the private party we attended was a bit more passionate. At least there, I didn't feel as if I was gonna be run off for having a very steamy strap on scene with the boy.

  20. Maggie: “We left after just an hour feeling very uninspired.”

    *nod nod* I think 'uninspired' is the right word for me too. I find some of it interesting for a short while because I am a curious sort and I like to see how others play, and undoubtedly there are some impressive skills on show at times, but there is rarely any discernable passion.

    It could easily be argued that it is there, but not visible – I don't really believe that… I know it when I see it.

    Ferns

  21. Coug,

    Quote: In fairness most if not all public play parties have to be VERY careful in what can/cannot be done in public which does tend to cut down on both action and emotion on display. I've found private ones much more fun and the grubs better too!

    Indeed. I attend each about 50/50 (public versus private). Each has advantages and disadvantages. Generally though, I prefer private parties because one tends to know at least a few of the people attending on some level and there is generally never a dress code. I'm really not up on the “dress code” thing. I'd far rather be comfortable than participate in the “look at me”, “look at how fetishy I can dress up” contest that has become the norm at many parties/events. Hey, some people are very comfortable in fetishwear, but I'm not one of those people. Fortunately, where I live, two of the three, main, public, BDSM parties are quite relaxed in terms of their dress code.

    Elan.

  22. Ferns,

    Quote: I would rather go to a play party, find some beautiful boy with a stunning, full lipped, 'hurt me' mouth and a shy demeanour, shove him into a corner and just make out like he is the last drink of water in the desert. (snip) I want to rub myself raw on his mouth. Is that acceptable play party behaviour?

    I realize you're asking not so much from a literal perspective, but attacking this literally at any rate… all the public parties and events I've gone to wouldn't have a problem with the intimacy and behaviour you've described. Heck, at the last, public, BDSM party I went to, two lesbians where lip-locked and fist-locked (one had her fist inside the other… yes, down in the garden of girlie-flower-land). Kissing would have seemed tame by comparison. Mind you, I realize the type of kissing you're describing is far from tame, containing various ebbs and flows of teasing, violence, and softness.

    There is, in my opinion, a misconception that intimacy isn't the domain of public events. Now, true enough, often such an environment isn't conducive to creating great, focused, passionate energy, but this isn't to say people don't share this while attending. At certain kinds of parties, people do go, largely, to experience play they cannot anywhere else, if only because of logistics. How many people actually have or can accommodate large, complex dungeon equipment in their home? This is like going to an amusement park. One goes to sample and experience the rides. However, just as you can kiss your partner after a scary trip on a roller coaster (good Lord, you'll *never* find me on one of those things… this is one of my worst nightmares), you can also kiss the same partner with great passion at a public, BDSM party. Much of what happens is entirely up to the participants and how they feel like sharing energy.

    You'd more likely encounter a problem with wanting to have an open, sex scene at a public party. Many parties prohibit this, but, given the “down in the garden” display I noted above, I do tend to find parties have odd and often incongruous notions of what sex is and isn't. Straight up, vanilla sex (of the licking and/or penetrating of distinct boy versus girl parts) usually isn't tolerated. However, depending on the party, there are a myriad ways you can access these aspects of your partner's physical personage. At one party I attend, strap-on sex is permitted, but au naturel sex isn't. Frankly, I find this odd, but there you go. I'm not the person planning the event and accommodating the facility's constraints. Also, so as to maintain my modesty, I'll not reveal whether I would or wouldn't be interested in sexual activities in public. What I will say is this… when I've gone to play parties with romantic partners and we catch each other's eyes, the entire room of people tends to disappear. :-)

    Elan.

  23. Elan: “Fortunately, where I live, two of the three, main, public, BDSM parties are quite relaxed in terms of their dress code.”

    That means you turn up naked, right? Nice.

    Ferns

  24. Elan: “There is, in my opinion, a misconception that intimacy isn't the domain of public events”

    *nod* That is my experience with events to such an extent that when I *do* witness it, I am transfixed. My experience, though, is limited, so interesting to hear your thoughts.

    It is probably very much localised and will vary based on any number of factors, so it is nice to hear that your experience is different.

    “…just as you can kiss your partner after a scary trip on a roller coaster, you can also kiss the same partner with great passion at a public, BDSM party”

    Yes yes… but… if we are going the 'I'm really going to answer your question' route, then that's not the question I am asking… Partners can and will do what they want. I'm not asking if people can kiss at a play party, that would be stupid…

    I am talking about kissing play (as opposed to impact play) with a stranger at a play party. Instead of stepping up and negotiating a flogging scene, I negotiate a kissing scene with that boy with the beautiful mouth (frankly, as soon as I say that, I have lost interest… I just want to grab him and do it, but for the purposes of reality, we will add the requisite negotiation in there). Appropriate or not? Would there be takers or not? It is obviously a much increased level of sudden intimacy… I think it would be hugely hot.

    Ferns

  25. Ferns,

    Quote: I am talking about kissing play (as opposed to impact play) with a stranger at a play party. Instead of stepping up and negotiating a flogging scene, I negotiate a kissing scene with that boy with the beautiful mouth (frankly, as soon as I say that, I have lost interest… I just want to grab him and do it, but for the purposes of reality, we will add the requisite negotiation in there). Appropriate or not? Would there be takers or not?

    Without negotiation, it would be highly inappropriate. *Every* event I attend has rules about inappropriately touching people and about respecting people's privacy and space. Let's add the negotiation. You've got a caveat that the scene is with a boy who is a stranger. As in vanilla life, if you were dressed to kill (i.e. you're irresistibly hot, which we all know you are all the time, no matter what you're wearing), you *might* get away with this. However, my guess is you'd probably open conversation with a lead-in and have to see if chemistry developed and the boy took your offer. This could occur very quickly so it's not inconceivable you'd be taking this boy down (read: metaphor for “rubbing yourself raw on his mouth”) at the event. If you attended the event more than once and got to know a few boys, you could probably do this scene with no negotiation… albeit the “with a complete stranger” requirement would require relaxing.

    For myself, no matter how hot you were dressed, if you were a stranger to me an instant takedown scene would be unlikely and I think this speaks for a great many boys. You'd need to entice me with your company and charm before I'd let you inside me, and the loud environment and loud music of most public events would be a significant barrier. This is an example of where a private party might be a better environment.

    I've had women come up to me, out of the blue, and kiss me, and I did not take kindly to the invasion, despite the fact they fawned something to the effect “I'd never have forgiven myself if I hadn't kissed you”. Yes, I suppose the act was innocuous and a compliment, however, the sudden invasion of my body by a complete stranger was a shock and a turn-off. I felt accosted and that isn't the least bit sexy.

    Quote: It is obviously a much increased level of sudden intimacy… I think it would be hugely hot.

    Agree on both counts. Feasibility and actuality are both an entirely different matter.

    Elan.

  26. Ferns,

    Quote: That means you turn up naked, right? Nice.

    Despite my obvious affliction vis-a-vis sudden mouth rubbing, I am not at all a prude. How did you know about my favourite, party outfit? :-)

  27. Ferns,

    It seems like a system error has occurred. I replied to your question and clarification (kissing play as opposed to impact play) and my response was here last night, but it is not present now. So… either you deleted it or the system lost it. Before I add it back (not sure I can remember exactly what I typed), I'll wait to see if you removed it for some reason.

    In the meantime, I'll add an addendum to the missing response that significantly changes my stance. It has come to my attention, based on disclosures you made on that kinky, Facebook-like site, that a number of secret weapons are in your possession. These tip the rulebooks in your favour. Let's take stock. Barometer of Dommeliness. McDomme Card. Decoder Ring. No boy (or dungeon monitoring team, for that matter) can resist these. Go to an event. Grab a cute boy. Mouth rape away. You've got the win pretty much guaranteed.

    Elan.

  28. Ferns,

    Gee. With the missing post, this joke (“despite my obvious affliction vis-a-vis sudden mouth rubbing”) makes no sense. It's a reference to that post. While I'm not one to reveal on the Internet whether I would or wouldn't have coital sex in public, I'm quite happy to disclose kissing and mouth sex rock my world, in public or not. :-)

  29. Elan: “For myself, no matter how hot you were dressed, if you were a stranger to me an instant takedown scene would be unlikely and I think this speaks for a great many boys.”

    I think there is a big 'depends' in there for the 'great many boys'. I think for many, if they are thinking “Phwoaarr” in some sense on approach, they would be nodding before the “Look, I want to do a kissing scene…” words came out of her mouth. If the “Phwoaarr” was not there, then *perhaps* they could be pursuaded by charm and wit, but I doubt it… not in a public venue with a roomful of strangers, noise etc.

    “I've had women come up to me, out of the blue, and kiss me, and I did not take kindly to the invasion.”

    You are a special flower… *smile*

    Seriously, though, I can see your point and it obviously wouldn't work AT ALL if he didn't immediately go 'OMG Best.Playparty.Ever!!' (after that he wouldn't be able to talk much…).

    Ferns

  30. Elan: “Let's take stock. Barometer of Dommeliness. McDomme Card. Decoder Ring. No boy (or dungeon monitoring team, for that matter) can resist these.”

    It's true it's true!!! Yesssss!!!

    Ferns

  31. Ferns,

    Elan: While I'm not one to reveal on the Internet whether I would or wouldn't have coital sex in public…

    Ferns: Bah! You soo would!

    (Thinks to self… let's hope the “floating eggs” technique isn't soon on the agenda. If it is, I'm so screwed!)

    E.

  32. Carol: “To me, kissing is more intimate act than sex.”

    I think that holds for many people, it *is* very intimate.

    Certainly, in my view, it is *much* more intimate than most of the types of play that you see at public play parties, which is part of the reason why I facetiously wondered if it would be at all acceptable to try and do it with a stranger.

    Ferns

  33. Is it lazy to be (more or less) reading your blog via #OldPostPimpage on Twitter? :P

    I think this is a fantastic idea! I’d totes go to a kissing play party.

    Reminds me of a FetLife post talking about setting up “Service Dates” and some ideas around that. Apparently it was like “zomg you just blew up my brain” to a lot of people.

    1. Ha! Not at all lazy.

      You don’t even need a special kissing party, just a general understanding that it’s ‘a thing that’s on the table for negotiation’ like other forms of play.

      They are having what sounds a bit like a ‘service party’ here in a couple of months. I’m almost tempted.

      Ferns

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