My sent emails I

Welcome to my Sent emails folder. Enjoy.
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Hello best_slave_evaevaeva,

Do you know what impresses dominant women? Smart men. Do you know what smart men do? They read profiles of said dominant women and only email those who say they are looking for what the man has to offer.

Then, when they email this dominant woman who is looking for the same thing that they are looking for, they do so with a view to getting to know her better, to exchange information, to have a normal conversation, to see if they are compatible.

Do you know what dominant women think is *not* smart and in fact think is a complete waste of their time? Men who send the same ridiculous spammy form email to every woman on the site declaring their undying slavish devotion. That’s not only the sign of a man who is not very bright, but also the sign of a man with delusions, one who will make a rubbish submissive because (among other things), he has not given one second of thought to what this dominant woman might want.

The above contains useful advice for your success, or lack of it. I fully expect you to ignore it.

Ferns

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18 Comments

  1. Why Ferns … Your advice sounds so …. Normal!

    I guess your point is that D/s relationships are just like any other in that one needs the same kind of thoughtfulness, care, concern and politeness found in any other social interaction.

    Go figure! … heh

  2. slapshot: “I guess your point is that D/s relationships are just like any other in that one needs the same kind of thoughtfulness, care, concern and politeness found in any other social interaction.”

    Actually, my point is “stop being such a complete wanker”, but yours makes sense too… heh.

    Ferns

  3. Mistress160: “I got some good feedback on the series … but I'm still getting those damned messages!”

    Awww… bless your naive little optimistic heart…

    Of course the ones who actually *most* need advice are the absolute *least* likely to seek it out.

    Ferns

  4. Thing is, I'm very successful when I do contact a Domme (which is, admittedly, a rare event). But I can't say what I do because, wherever I might say it, it's going to look conceited. Even this comment looks conceited. So I shall shut up, just like all other relatively successful submales shut up.

    Sir Puppington Lothian

  5. puppy: “Thing is, I'm very successful when I do contact a Domme…”

    Thing is, it's really not that hard… at all. If a man has a modicum of social grace, all he has to do is use it. It really is that easy.

    “So I shall shut up, just like all other relatively successful submales shut up.”

    Heh… too true… you just don't want the competition!

    Ferns

  6. I know one way pretty much always to ensure a reply. You just tell the woman that she looks exactly like a Hollywood actress, but that you can't remember the actress's name. She won't stop pestering you till you can 'remember' it.

    Vanity, thy name is Woman. Heh. But, actually, I think it'd work for a woman writing to a man, too.

    Seriously, a few lines, commenting on something about her profile, not sexual, hopefully amusing, friendly. Pretty much the tone I'd take with a woman who come up to the bar next to me to order a drink.

    I think the most common problem is that men approach women too aggressively. One reason they do this is because that's how they'd like women to approach them. (When have you ever heard of a man complaining about a woman writing to him to say 'I want to fuck you so hard' – or similar?)

    With femdoms, I suspect that men feel that, at last, it's OK to come on to them in exactly that way. A man would think 'Femdoms are bound to be sexually aggressive, just like I am, aren't they?'

    Sir Puppington Lothian.

  7. Dear Ferns,

    I pretty much agree with everything you said.

    The only thing I would add (and I'm sure it's sometimes tough to remember this when you are being deluged with spam) is that in the time it takes a thoughtful man to read through the hundreds of profiles on a dating site, narrow his search down to a few of the likeliest matches, and write one considerate message to the person he thinks would be the most interested in him, best_slave_evaevaeva can copy and paste a couple hundred “plz can i serv u mstrss” messages.

    There's no escaping the fact that online dating is a crapshoot for everyone, but spammers make your odds look a lot worse than they actually are. If a dating site had 50% good men and 50% spammers, the spammers would account for well over 99% of all of the emails you got. Add to that the fact that there is a considerable grey area between the two extremes, and many men are well-meaning but socially inept, and the dating world can seem to be a total wasteland when in reality there are many, many good people out there.

    I try to remind myself of that as I read through the ads from all the “financial dommes” with the fake pictures.

  8. @Sir Puppington

    “Thing is, I'm very successful when I do contact a Domme (which is, admittedly, a rare event). But I can't say what I do because, wherever I might say it, it's going to look conceited. Even this comment looks conceited. So I shall shut up, just like all other relatively successful submales shut up.”

    “Beware the advice of successful people – they do not wish company.” -Dogbert.

  9. Welcome,

    “”Beware the advice of successful people – they do not wish company.” -Dogbert.”

    Hah! Not true for me, not regarding this subject, anyway. Things seem to be just too said out there and the one or two molecules of altruism have awoken.

    ” . . .many men are well-meaning but socially inept . . .”

    That's one reason why I'd like to help.

    But – heh – I'm still single. So I don't have all the answers either.

    Sir Puppington Lothian.

  10. the welcome rain: “If a dating site had 50% good men and 50% spammers, the spammers would account for well over 99% of all of the emails you got.”

    I agree. I am actually not bothered by the silliness, I don't get annoyed, even, though I know a *lot* of women really do. My profiles on those sites are empty, and I have no pics, so the volume I get is quite low. I like to have a little fun with them if I am in the mood, and the more ridiculous they are, the more I like them.

    “…the dating world can seem to be a total wasteland when in reality there are many, many good people out there.”

    *smile* You are absolutely right… Now, finding one of the good ones who also makes my teeth ache and my fingers itch… well…

    Ferns

  11. puppy: “I think the most common problem is that men approach women too aggressively. One reason they do this is because that's how they'd like women to approach them.”

    This implies that they have thought about it, are seeking a relationship, and have made a decision based on some sort of logic.

    Putting the clueless aside (that is, those who genuinely believe this is how they *should* behave with this strange 'femdom' species), the others simply think that these websites are their own personal porn delivery sites, that the women on it are the same women they jerk off over in femdom porn, that these porny femdoms will (virtually) be delighted to hear from them and will write them hot porn and behave *just like the women in porn videos* and give them porn (I wanted to write 'porn' in that sentence a few more times, but ran out of steam!).

    They are not trying to have a relationship, they just want to wank. On the one hand, the absolute idiocy of it boggles my mind and yet, and yet… I assume it *must* work at least 0.1% of the time or they would give up. If they find either a) the women who just want hot cyber sex or b) the men pretending to be women who just want hot cyber sex… *huzzah!!!*.

    When I was on IRC a gazillion years ago, I used to go trawling for cyber sex because it was fun and hot, so those women *are* out there, but they are rarely on *actual dating or social networking sites*, because, well, why bother pretending you are looking for a relationship when you aren't.

    Ferns

  12. “puppy: “I think the most common problem is that men approach women too aggressively. One reason they do this is because that's how they'd like women to approach them.”

    Miss Ferns: This implies that they have thought about it, are seeking a relationship, and have made a decision based on some sort of logic.”

    Pfft. I think it implies that they're barely thinking at all. Me, I have a feeling the wankers actually use their brains a little more than the clueless . . . .

    I wouldn't know what proportion are clueless and what proportion are wankers, though. I'm not a femdom, thank God!

    Those wankers, though – they're more than just thrill-seekers. They're brutish exploiters. It's ugly. They give me the shudders.

    Sir Puppington Lothian.

  13. puppy: “Those wankers, though – they're more than just thrill-seekers. They're brutish exploiters. It's ugly. They give me the shudders.”

    See, I don't take it that seriously. Wankers are not 'brutish exploiters' to me, I just see them as kind of sad, horny little men. Mostly, I think it's funny and writing responses such as the one above amuses me.

    Ferns

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