Restless

I have had, largely, a bad year… that is dramatic and ‘woe is me-ish’, but it’s true nevertheless. Some of it I have shared here, some of it I haven’t because, frankly, whining and carrying on is no fun… mostly it is not interesting to write about and I have no doubt that it is not interesting to read about.

I use this blog as a way to take a moment out of the mundane and to bring into the light those snippets that strike me outside of the day to day. They are not always shiny happy moments, but they are moments that hit me like a sledge hammer, moments that mean something, moments that matter, moments about which I actually have something to say. The dullness of bad things does not generally live here.

Taking hits of badness one after another, though, is exhausting and somewhat debilitating and I am just now, I think, starting to come out of it. And so, I am restless.

I am now at the stage where I want… something…

I am restless…

Restless is a good thing… it is a sign that I am getting ready to move, a signal that things are lifting from my shoulders, a feeling of shaking myself out from under, like a dog up on the river bank after a swim, that thoughtless, enthusiastic shake and wiggle that makes the water fly everywhere, regardless of the consequences.

Part of this feels like waking up the other ‘me’ inside that has been largely dormant… I *want* things… it is a positive feeling… one of greed and possibility.

I am taking a month off from work soon, a month to look around and figure out ‘what next’, a month that I would more recently have planned with incredible glee and pleasure to spend lavishing undivided attention on my boy. It is sad for the fact that a few weeks off now have a different flavour, and I am trying hard not to dwell on it, but it is top of mind for the change it brings.

I would love nothing more than to have a month of fun… you know… fun!!?! It’s the thing you have when the order of the day is selfish enjoyment… when the answer to the question ‘what shall I do today?’ is a plethora of exciting and enjoyable possibilities. What I really want is a month of beauty and pleasure, of kissing and laughing and playing and aggression and craziness and sweetness and… well… I just want to have some frigging fun!!!

What I want, really, is some lovely submissive boy who would like to whisk me away for a few weeks somewhere exotic and fabulous, who will entertain me in a most lavish and hedonistic manner, who will cater to my every whim, who will not expect me to lift a finger except to point to the champagne bottle and demand more, whose every thought will be centred around my pleasure, who will make me laugh and make me want to kiss him, who will organise everything so that I don’t have to even *think*…

Said volunteer must be terribly and alarmingly and dangerously appealing of course!

Any takers?… Anyone? You, there, up the back… yes you… you… the shy one with the pretty mouth…!

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25 Comments

  1. “you… the shy one with the pretty mouth…!”
    *checks mirror, hmm she must be pointing to the guy next to me*

    Alas, Ferns, we are separated by an ocean and a covenant. Nevertheless, I know how you burn inside, that appetite doesn't go away whether it was fulfilled yesterday or not. I am tormented by similar flames.

    I do so hope that you find a worthy constituent, with whom you can have all sorts of scary fun. And, as he's cheerfully pouring your morning champagne, your thought isn't, “what shall I do today?”, but rather “what shall I do to him today?”

    Take care Ferns.

  2. “La vie est un éternel recommencement, comme la mode d'ailleurs.”

    Loosely translated, it means life is forever a re-beginning, like fashion, incidently.

    The cycle goes from of excitement and anticipation to rapture and fulfillment, on to need and despair. The latter stage is not an end point, but often the motivation and drive to hop on the cycle again, somehow, with somebody, at sometime, somewhere.

    I have absolutely no doubt that the wait will be short for the next cycle to begin for you again. Your writing, your thoughts, your style, and your attitude are all spectacularly appealing, and I believe that you have hundreds of fans that would agree that it is unthinkable that the right chance encounter is far away for you.

    Use those burning desires and needs to feed your predatory instincts, and make the next year that re-beginning.

    Best of luck.

    Dymion

  3. “mostly it is not interesting to write about and I have no doubt that it is not interesting to read about”

    Lies! I'd love to read about a boring day at work or a more detailed “average day”. But then…maybe that's just me…

    “dormant”

    Is that like…the misspelling of doormat? >.>

    “Any takers?… Anyone?”

    If you were say…50% more like me, 1/3 of the planet closer and…20 years younger? I'd totally come visit. XD

  4. I'm still not at all sure what a 'pretty mouth' looks like when it comes to males, Ferns. Is there any way a man with a rather plain sort of mouth could make it somewhat prettier? Could one perform exercises, perhaps?

    Should I one day acquire such sought-after lips, then . . .

    'If doughty deed my Lady please,

    Right soon will I mount my steed'

    Sir Puppington Lothian.

  5. I really am very pleased to hear you're getting desire back again in every way.
    I think you're forgetting a basic fact here and it's a little embarrassing to point it out to you. I mean, you seem to overlook the basic reality because you still think about what you would have been doing if your boy was still around.
    I don't want to tell anyone else's secrets for them, but I think that guy who asks for directions at the airport already knows the answer. That other guy who's sitting three seats down from you is now just sitting two seats away and is looking everywhere but at you. Another guy with the haunted look in his eye who's been so helpful with your hand luggage isn't just being a nice person….
    Do you not think you're beginning to emit a certain pheremone, or that it's rather a stronger signal than before when you were much sadder?
    I suspect you don't have to worry about loneliness just at this stage. You'll probably find there are a surprisingly large number of awkward, remarkably helpful men wherever you go. Be gentle with them.

  6. slapshot: “I just knew there had to be a catch to it somewhere.”

    No catch… a simple enough requirement which I am sure you would have no trouble with…

    Ferns

  7. Yardbird: “*checks mirror, hmm she must be pointing to the guy next to me*”

    No no… I believe you were right in the line of fire there…

    “Alas, Ferns, we are separated by an ocean and a covenant.”

    Alas indeed… the ocean is a minor impediment, the covenant, though… *sigh*

    Ferns

  8. Dymion: “Your writing, your thoughts, your style, and your attitude are all spectacularly appealing…”

    *smile* thank you, Dymion!

    “…it is unthinkable that the right chance encounter is far away for you.”

    It *is* unthinkable. *waits for the gods to land the perfect submissive right here… pats lap…*

    “Use those burning desires and needs to feed your predatory instincts, and make the next year that re-beginning.”

    I have to wait until next year?

    Ferns

  9. Brids: “Lies! I'd love to read about a boring day at work or a more detailed “average day”. But then…maybe that's just me…”

    *nod nod* I think it's just you! But I was referring more to 'bad stuff'… negativity and whining and carrying on…

    “If you were say…50% more like me, 1/3 of the planet closer and…20 years younger? I'd totally come visit.”

    Ha! That's a lot of 'ifs'… but but… a visit is not exactly 'whisking me off to an exotic location' now, is it?

    Ferns

  10. Sir Puppington Lothian: (… don't think I don't realise that you just want me to call you 'Sir' with that ridiculous nick!)…

    “I'm still not at all sure what a 'pretty mouth' looks like when it comes to males”

    Present said mouth in the context of the other qualities, and it will be pretty, believe me.

    “Is there any way a man with a rather plain sort of mouth could make it somewhat prettier? Could one perform exercises, perhaps?”

    Yes, practice by saying pretty things to your favourite dommely sorts.

    “'If doughty deed my Lady please, Right soon will I mount my steed'”

    Thank you Puppington, by 'steed' you mean 'plane' though, and by 'mount', you don't really mean 'mount', right? Otherwise we have some geography and biology lessons to go through…

    Ferns

  11. Anonymous: “I don't want to tell anyone else's secrets for them, but I think that guy who asks for directions at the airport already knows the answer… [other airport guys…]”

    *laugh* The best thing about this little anecdote is that I was at the airport this week, *and* last week.. What on earth made you choose the airport for your little story?? Are you following me?!

    “Do you not think you're beginning to emit a certain pheremone, or that it's rather a stronger signal than before when you were much sadder?”

    *smile* Yes, yes I do, actually. I walk differently in the world when I am charged, I hold the gaze of the men I encounter, I am more receptive and open, and perhaps… perhaps… pheremones are wafting around me… yes.

    “You'll probably find there are a surprisingly large number of awkward, remarkably helpful men wherever you go. Be gentle with them.”

    Oh my, you are lovely aren't you? I hate it when anonymouses are lovely… crushing on anonymouses is exceedingly difficult…

    Ferns

  12. “I walk differently in the world when I am charged, I hold the gaze of the men I encounter…”

    Ha! You forget in your outrageous dommey conceit that you are powerless if we are too timid to lift our heads to meet your gaze!

    We are slowly but surely evolving an impenetrable defense of severe shyness and verbal incoherence. Soon all your Domme power will be useless against us. We will look only to the ground and be impervious to your malicious entrapment!

  13. Anonymous: “We are slowly but surely evolving an impenetrable defense of severe shyness and verbal incoherence. Soon all your Domme power will be useless against us. We will look only to the ground and be impervious to your malicious entrapment!”

    Damn you and your debilitating lack of social capabilities… foiled again!!

    But, wait… you underestimate me! I have very shiny stilettos that will reflect your downward gaze back up to me so you will still be helplessly looking into my commanding stare… huzzah!!

    Ferns

  14. “*nod nod* I think it's just you! But I was referring more to 'bad stuff'… negativity and whining and carrying on…”

    But the bad stuff is interesting…Look at all those people who love soap operas! People love when people are dieing and breaking up and plotting bank robberies!

    “Ha! That's a lot of 'ifs'… but but… a visit is not exactly 'whisking me off to an exotic location' now, is it?”

    Well, I'd consider Australia to be an exotic location, so technically no matter how I felt about you I still wouldn't be whisking you off to anywhere.

    Plus, I don't think I'm willing to spend a bazillion dollars traveling to someone until we're either A) Bestest friends ever or B) Going to have the bests sex ever. So unless you're going to fly me out to visit…XD

    Ferns

  15. Coug,

    'Why limit yourself'

    That is true. Why should Miss Ferns limit herself to a boy, when she could have a kitten, a cygnet, a cub, a foal or a puppy?

    Sir Puppington Lothian.

  16. I was referring to males in general Pup ;) I – insert horrified gasp here – prefer other women!

    Dant dant daaaaaaaaa

    My secret is revealed

    Coug The Perfect Arse® Lesbian to the stars

  17. Brids: “…I don't think I'm willing to spend a bazillion dollars…”

    *sigh* This, kids, is what's wrong with the world… what's a bazillion dollars between friends?

    Ferns

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