Not a Domme

Not only am I ‘bubbly’ (allegedly!), I was told recently by someone who read some of this blog that (are you ready…?):

…i didnt get a sense you were a Domme…

*sigh*

I am such a failure…

Did I mention this was a guy from Second Life? No…? Well, see, now you can understand why I am so concerned.

Must. Do. Better.

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21 Comments

  1. *giggles* I'm apparently not REALLY a Domme either because I told a boy on CollarMe that if he couldn't be bothered to go through the simple effort of finding a coffee shop (as opposed to a bar!) where we could meet, then I couldn't be bothered to meet him.

  2. Far too many people confuse “domme” with “total bitch”. One of the most skilled and sadistic Ladies I know regularly speaks in “lolicat”. Nobody's taking away her union card, and yours is quite safe, too, Ma'am.

    And look at it this way–they'll never see it coming. :-)

    Respectfully, Étienne

  3. Bellaforte: “*giggles*”

    Well that's undommely behaviour right there also… you may chuckle throatily, you may laugh derisively or… oh wait… no, that's it… just those two… And sneering… that's allowed also…

    “I'm apparently not REALLY a Domme either because… [insert dumb reason here]”

    I have never struck this in real life because those boys filter themselves out early on, but I know it happens with stupid frequency.

    No, I'm not whatever hellacious fantasy you have made up from porn and Second Life… I might even be a well rounded, fully fledged, complete person who lives a normal life…

    Shocking!

    Ferns

  4. Étienne: “Far too many people confuse “domme” with “total bitch”…”

    That's true, but I think there's a level below that which is even more insidious. I think they confuse 'dominant in my personal relationships' with 'never thinks about anything else' and 'dominant towards you, strange man, who I don't know'.

    If you have discussed what your dominance looks like before meeting (likely if you find boys online), that type somehow thinks it's all going to be aimed at them immediately, suddenly and with a laser-precision, out of the blue at that coffee date… Even if it's not bitchiness, they might expect the Domme to order his coffee, to make him ask for permission to do to the bathroom etc etc… And if it doesn't happen that way… well you know… not twue…

    “One of the most skilled and sadistic Ladies I know regularly speaks in “lolicat”. Nobody's taking away her union card, and yours is quite safe, too, Ma'am.”

    You know what's funny? Even though I don't know this guy from Adam, part of me wanted to point him to posts about pain and needles and other such things and go 'See?! See?!!! And not only that, it's Real Life (TM), baby!!” That's ego and immaturity right there, and I did indeed shut them both up and simply point out that Dommes are generally well rounded and complex individuals.

    *hangs onto the Dommie McDomme card with a vengeance*

    Ferns

  5. slapshot: “…a STEALTH Domme!”

    Ooohhh… do I get a costume? And an alter ego? Do I get to change in phone boxes? And get a fancy toolbelt?

    More importantly, do I get fabulous boots?

    Ferns

  6. Far too many people confuse “domme” with “total bitch”

    This.

    One of my reasons for blogging is to help spread the idea that kinky play has little to do with the portrayal that you see in the mainstream media… or indeed, in SL.


  7. Ooohhh… do I get a costume? And an alter ego? Do I get to change in phone boxes? And get a fancy toolbelt?

    More importantly, do I get fabulous boots? “

    My vote is you can have whatever you want….you're the super hero. :D

    Angel

  8. Tom: “One of my reasons for blogging is to help spread the idea that kinky play has little to do with the portrayal that you see in the mainstream media… or indeed, in SL.”

    For me, the lack of portrayal of my reality out in the world was a reason also. I saw very few depictions out there of hot, fun, complex, real D/s relationships. I think that's one of the reasons I really really love the 'me too!' comments and the notes I sometimes get from people who didn't know it could be like that.

    I like to know we are out there, that makes me happy.

    Ferns

  9. Ferns: “No, I'm not whatever hellacious fantasy you have made up from porn and Second Life… I might even be a well rounded, fully fledged, comples person who lives a normal life…”

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! I don't want to believe that nononononooooo!!! :P

    I think it's hard to tell over the phone anyways. You can't see the dominant glinting behind the eyes that comes out from time to time, even if you're being cute as hell … my Domme's like that, she has the sweetest, cutest laugh and in between chuckles she sometimes gets that look that makes me all wet and shivery.

  10. N: “Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! I don't want to believe that nononononooooo!!! “

    Don't worry, I am just kidding, honest! I am not really a well rounded, fully fledged, complete person at all (as if!!!)…

    I really am *das über Domme* and I just *pretend* to be otherwise to lure the little subbie boys to me. Then after I get them in my clutches, I keep them caged 24/7 in a cage in my dungeon and only let them out for sexual service which I want almost non stop, natch…

    Don't worry your pretty little head about it…

    *leaves a trail of cookies*

    Ferns

  11. I am a stealth domme as well I guess. The main reason I read your blog is you seem to speak the things I feel. I haven't found that in any other blog.

  12. Well, I imagined you invited this fellow over for tea and a nice chat. Next thing we know, you have him stretched over your kitchen table, and you're giving him a good thrashing or rogering. And between strokes or thrusts you invite him to explain his rationale.

    Yes, and please do speak clearly through the gag.

  13. Yardbird So you advise to reward him for being rude and trying force his imagery of 'how to do it right' upon her?
    Don't think that's gonna happen – unless you mistake a male subs fantasy for reality like he did.

  14. Michelle: “The main reason I read your blog is you seem to speak the things I feel.”

    I'm so happy to hear that Michelle, thank you! We stealth Dommes have to stick together!

    Ferns

  15. Yardbird: “Well, I imagined you invited this fellow over for tea and a nice chat.”

    I did actually ask him what he thought Dommes should be like, and continued a very civilised chat (and virtual tea, it was Second Life after all).

    One of the difficulties of SL is that when people say stuff in casual conversation, it is impossible to know if they mean in Real Life or in SL. It makes things very difficult to discuss because he pointed out that 'I like Dommes to be really cruel' and his nick had to do with pain… I have to figure he had no RL experience or he surely wouldn't trot out the 'don't seem like a Domme' line… *shrug*

    “Next thing we know…”

    … he got some public humiliation (that's this blog post!)… Enjoy!

    Ferns

  16. LadyMao: “Yardbird So you advise to reward him for being rude and trying force his imagery of 'how to do it right' upon her?”

    *smile* I do believe Yardbird was being more than just a little bit silly!

    Ferns

  17. LadyMao, you are absolutely right. The immature male should never be rewarded in such a way; at best it would reinforce his thinking. My comment was more of a nod to Ferns and her creative way of making an argument and, um, driving the point home.

  18. Ah, I can't figure out a way to send PMs over Blogspot >.<
    So short response to Yardbird here – no offense taken, I guess the meanings got a little lost in the translation, no worries. ;)

  19. More importantly, do I get fabulous boots?

    Why yes… yes indeed! In order to be a proper Stealth Domme, one would need: (at a minimum) Fabulous boots, (with lots of zippers and buckles) the matching tool belt, and scary pirate pants… Oh wait, I think you already have that part.

    Also, I’m not sure about the phone box either. I haven’t seen one of those in years, but I’m sure we can work something out there.

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