Femdom in Second Life – My Thoughts

I knew of a couple of femdom areas in SL and went there to have a look around, chat to people, see what’s what. I haven’t been in a chat room for many many years, and SL is like series of chat rooms on steroids. The basics are the same, a bunch of people in a space talking, but it is accompanied by visuals. The chat room has a graphic representation, perhaps outside in a garden, with comfy couches and chairs, and people get to present themselves not only in text, but as avatars, as their ‘best selves’, their inner selves, their true, fantasy selves.

Now I cannot really explain why nearly every Domme looks like a porn star (they do, pretty much) except that it’s their fantasy and that’s how they want to portray themselves. Submissive men often wear jeans, sometimes no shirts, sometimes suits, rarely anything really fetishy (though there are a few who sport ears and a tail, which is, suprisingly, the absolute cuteness) and every single one of them has a six pack (eight pack…). Below is a particularly fine specimen of an SL submissive man:

The people I have chatted to have been incredibly friendly, patient, helpful… all of them were simply lovely to me. It is a very welcoming space. Now of course there are cliques, but they are not exclusionary, just groups of people who know each other well, as happens in any environment.

The submissive men were almost unfailingly lovely and polite. For those women who are used to finding submissives online and dealing with wankers (me me me!!!), apparently most wankers can’t be bothered with SL. The closest I got was a boy who threw this into what I thought was a perfectly normal private conversation:

:: hearing the nudgingin[sic] your voice, i try to stay still wven[sic] though i can feel my meat, hardening, thickening, lenghtening[sic], trapped in my jeans::

When I told him that I really could not be less interested in the state of his ‘meat’, he apologised sincerely and moved on. I did check around in case accepting IM requests was some sort of code for ‘type me some cyber sex, baby’, but apparently it’s not, so it wasn’t me.

I saw a lot of what I expected to see… stereotypical femdom-porn behaviour from both women and men, many married people playing online, many fantasy role players, velcro collars left right and centre, multiple levels of protection and consideration and trial periods and all that, sub collecting (many if not most Dommes having multiple subs (the more you have the more dommely you are?)), lots of women taking themselves and their dommeliness very seriously, lots of men desperate to belong to someone, anyone, now now now.

One of the funniest things I saw was a Domme storming into one of the public femdom spaces outraged (OUTRAGED I tell you!!) that some *submissive* had objected in another ‘so called’ femdom area to her calling him ‘boy’. She was absolutely livid and apparently got onto public voice chat there and expressed her umbrage, arguing with him for some 40 minutes. I watched with voyeuristic delight as she ranted and raved about ‘real’ femdom and ‘real’ submissives etc etc. *claps hands with glee* Fun!!

Now, all of that reinforced what I expected to see, really. In short, in those ways, it is pretty similar to online silliness anywhere… you have to sort the wheat from the chaff.

On the other side, I spoke to a lot of smart, funny, interesting, genuine people who are exploring D/s in a safe environment, who are having fun, who are living out their fantasies in this world. They form real connections with people, they have in-world relationships that mean something to them, they explore their own minds, they play happily and consensually with each other. Most of them are not interested in taking it further into a real world relationship. That’s not what the medium is for.

Don’t get me started on the BDSM animations – I love seeing them and have sought out the extreme ones (hey, if I am having fantasy BDSM, I’m going all the way to cannibalism and castration!). I think they are great fun, but as a cyber-BDSM aid, to me… errrmmm… well… they are the anti-sexy! I can’t imagine how they wouldn’t be a serious distraction since my imagination wins over cartoon ‘rumpy pumpy thwak thwak’ any day. If you want to see an example of what a BDSM type situation looks like in SL, go here.

On the whole, it’s no different from any other online community, except that the visuals, and the breadth of the ‘world’ make it a much more compelling interactive experience and it is easy (too easy!) to get caught up in it as a substitute for a much less interesting first life.

I know, it was a pretty boring post right? I thought it would be much more interesting than that, but I just couldn’t work up a lather about it like I thought I would!

As for me personally in SL, oh my… I am crushing on some really funny, bright, interesting boys who are, of course, no-where near me. I think that is simply selfishness on their part and they should address it immediately.

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11 Comments

  1. “I know, it was a pretty boring post right?”

    Actually, no! As a user of both Second Life and IMVU, I was interested in reading about your impressions.

    The main differences between IMVU and Second life are that the IMVU graphics are not as sophisticated and there *are* many more wankers there on IMVU. Much more chaff to sift through.

    “I am crushing on some really funny, bright, interesting boys who are, of course, no-where near me. I think that is simply selfishness on their part and they should address it immediately.”

    I'm working on it! heh

  2. slapshot: “Actually, no! As a user of both Second Life and IMVU, I was interested in reading about your impressions.”

    *smile* Thank you… interesting that IMVU is more wanker-orientated. I wonder why that is.

    “I'm working on it! heh”

    *taps foot and looks at watch…*

    You *know* patience is not one of my virtues, right?

    Ferns

  3. There used to be a fair number of BDSM-focused groups on City of Heroes too. You could generate some good dominatrixy looks with the costume generator (black corset and thigh highs being the most popular) and there was a fair amount of role-playing as well. One of the villain groups was a gang of mind controlling circus women and their subservient “Strongmen”, who had suspicious looking marks on their backs and were locked into metal helmets.

    Aside from fighting crime a lot of players would stand around and chat. A couple of times I heard it described as a chat window with a game attached, which seems about right.

  4. the welcome rain: “There used to be a fair number of BDSM-focused groups on City of Heroes too.”

    My knowledge of those games is just about nil, but I know World of Warcraft has at least one femdom guild (I don't know anything about WoW, so can't comment further except to say that I know at least one boy ended up serving one of the women in real life).

    “One of the villain groups was a gang of mind controlling circus women and their subservient “Strongmen”, who had suspicious looking marks on their backs and were locked into metal helmets.”

    This is just brilliant! *laugh*

    Ferns

  5. “people get to present themselves not only in text, but as avatars, as their 'best selves', their inner selves, their true, fantasy selves.”

    I agree that's what most people do. I took a rather different tack with my avatar, and made him about as unappealing as possible. Perhaps he represents my insecurities:

    http://tinyurl.com/34sz2bx

    I never really did much with Second Life. Mistress enjoyed it for a while, and would drag me in to show off how ridiculous I looked, but when she gave up, I gave up.

    Respectfully, Étienne

  6. Étienne: “I agree that's what most people do. I took a rather different tack with my avatar, and made him about as unappealing as possible. Perhaps he represents my insecurities”

    *laugh* Oh Drudge! He is fabulous!!!

    I think everyone has a different relationship with their avatar. I had a thing for making her similar to me (straight blonde hair over one eye, dark brown eyes, slim, not pneumatic) BUT vanity prevented me from giving her any flaws… it is an odd thing.

    I think, in the end, for me it's about having a chat to different people, which I enjoy very much because I am a curious sort.

    Whether there is a D/s aspect I can enjoy there in some form remains to be seen.

    Ferns

  7. also being a member of SL i have been lucky enough to meet some great and amazing people as well as plenty that have made me ask “wtf??”
    i tried to make my avatar similar to the real me except he is slightly better built haha,once you are able to identify the “players” and seperate them from the true believers in the lifestyle SL becomes a perfect place for learning and exploring in a safe,if not always sane enviroment

  8. Coug: “No mention of me and my Perfect Arse (R) ?… “

    I hadn't even *seen* your Perfect Arse (R) then, much less dubbed it so, otherwise I am sure it would have made a special appearance!

    Ferns

  9. subhub33:…once you are able to identify the “players” and seperate them from the true believers in the lifestyle SL becomes a perfect place for learning and exploring in a safe,if not always sane enviroment”

    I am not sure, really, what you mean by “true believers in the lifestyle” (those who live it in real life? those who take SL D/s seriously?), but that being as it may, I figure players will find other players, idiots will find other idiots, role players will find other role players, sincerity will find sincerity etc… water finds its own level.

    Ferns

  10. Having been reading this blog as I’m currently logged into SL, I’ve been having quite another good laugh. I’d be interested in hearing your take on each of the major femdom sims as well as the feedback from the others who are in SL. (This may be something you address later but I’m reading chronologically!)

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