Once upon a time…

Once upon a time, a Domme logged into a kink site where she has an account and there was, as always, a boy’s profile on her screen, filtered by her criteria, they always pop up. She takes an idle look. He is funny, irreverent, not kink-focussed. It is exactly the kind of thing she likes. She smiles in amusement at his description and notes the name (for later reference, you know…).

A while later, she gets an email from him in her inbox, they do that, these local boys. She feels a little tingle of interest, it is a strange feeling, unexpected, but it is there nevertheless.

She opens the email and starts reading it, already chuckling with delight at the opener, cute and funny, she feels a spark light up, and she reads on and… oh oh oh!

It’s her ex boy (not ‘my boy’, the previous) saying hello, letting her know he is there… Oh… dashed hopes of a local cute and funny boy, a shake of her head and a wry laugh at herself.

The end.

The moral of the story is that I know it when I see it, that possibility, that potential, I know it almost immediately, and wow, that’s huge! I find it weirdly fascinating to see that I reacted to him in pretty much exactly the same way I did the first time he contacted me. I am consistent in my choices, my reaction is predictable and that gives me a strange sense of comfort. I know *it* when I come across it, it lights a spark in me with no effort whatsoever, and that actually feels pretty amazing to me.

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10 Comments

  1. Though I approach the question from exactly the opposite direction, that feeling — the knowing spark of recognition, the 'it' moment — is truly amazing. And, alas, pretty rare.

  2. paul b: “…the knowing spark of recognition, the 'it' moment — is truly amazing.”

    *smile* Yes, and even then it may not develop into anything, but for every correspondence where I have to 'work' to make it into something, there are those that just hit the mark. And they are the ones.

    “And, alas, pretty rare.”

    Yes, unfortunate, isn't it?

    Ferns

  3. So true. I'm talking to someone at the moment, and it's missing, and I haven't understood why, but I think you just reminded me. It's rare, but perhaps I just have to wait.

  4. mabdreams: “I'm talking to someone at the moment, and it's missing, and I haven't understood why, but I think you just reminded me. It's rare, but perhaps I just have to wait.”

    *nod nod* I sometimes talk to perfectly nice men and I *want* it to be there, but it just isn't. It seems unfair because they are doing everything right and often I really really *want* to feel it. But if I am not feeling it, I'm not.

    Better to wait.

    Ferns

  5. I know the feeling, but from the other side. When you look at a dominant person, you know immediately whether they are able to bring out the sub in you … or not. I've tried playing with doms where it wasn't there, but I can't seem to respect them if they don't have “it”.

    Can you describe what “it” is for you? Is it the openness? The willingness to give you what you want?

    I think for me it might me a mixture of “hardness” and the knowledge that this person is capable of hurting you. It's over for me as soon as I get the feeling I'm in some way more powerful than the person I play with (especially on an intellectual level).

  6. N: “When you look at a dominant person, you know immediately whether they are able to bring out the sub in you … or not.”

    That's a big call!! I wonder if this applies for you for a 'meet and beat' situation or also for a relationship?

    “It's over for me as soon as I get the feeling I'm in some way more powerful than the person I play with (especially on an intellectual level).”

    I have the same question about this example… If this applies in a relationship, then you need your partner to be more powerful (better?) in *all* ways than you? I assume that doesn't extend to, say, car repairs or cooking or fixing computers, or some other such practical things? Is it personality only and not skills?

    “Can you describe what “it” is for you? Is it the openness? The willingness to give you what you want?”

    These are great questions… so great, I think I might write a post about it rather than trying to answer them here.

    In this post, though, I really meant *it* as the potential for 'something' right out of the gate. His profile and first email give me enough to know it's worth chasing up.

    At that stage it's not anywhere close to “he will be a great submissive”. It is simply “Oh my god, a man so clearly on my wavelength AND he's submissive… score!!!”

    Ferns

  7. Concerning the relationship & meet and beat part: I honestly don't know. I've only had play-relationships (no idea what the correct English term is, sorry) so far, right now I've fallen for a Domme and am now in a relationship with her for the first time. I could see her potential immediately, even though she did not have much experience as a Domme (she's actually a switch). Now she's discovering that side of her with me, and she's doing really well :3

    About the relationship and being better than myself-part: no, my partner does not have to be superior to me in every way. It is essential that he/she is my intellectual equal though. Probably it's more that someone has to give me the feeling of being inferior to them in a play-situation (humiliation is my main kink). I really have to think some more about that.

    I think I know what you're getting at, though. Sometimes it just clicks, and having the right orientation is the one thing that makes it perfect and worth to give it a shot…

  8. N: Thank you so much for coming back and commenting further!

    “ I've only had play-relationships (no idea what the correct English term is, sorry)”

    I knew exactly what you meant… they are mostly referred to as ‘play partners’.

    “I could see her potential immediately, even though she did not have much experience as a Domme (she's actually a switch). Now she's discovering that side of her with me, and she's doing really well”

    *smile* Congratulations on your new relationship! And I think you hit a big part of it with the fact that you could see her potential… I suppose that’s the *it*. I generally don’t see it immediately… I see (or, perhaps more accurately, I *feel*) that sparkle of interest pretty much immediately, but it takes me longer to see potential as a partner and as a submissive. I guess, though, from what you are saying about your experience, you may have seen her at play parties or some such thing where any D/s exchanges are much more overt because of the environment.

    “It is essential that he/she is my intellectual equal though. Probably it's more that someone has to give me the feeling of being inferior to them in a play-situation (humiliation is my main kink). I really have to think some more about that.”

    *nod* I understand what you mean… I guess in my case, I am pretty smart, but many many people are smarter, and even more are knowledgeable in areas that I have no clue about. That fact does not at all prevent me from making them my little bitch. In fact I could totally use it. “You think knowing about wave-particle duality makes you something special, boy?”, “What if your shareholders could see you now, with your face to the floor and arse in the air… think they would be impressed, bitch?” etc. That would totally work for me.

    “I think I know what you're getting at, though. Sometimes it just clicks, and having the right orientation is the one thing that makes it perfect and worth to give it a shot…”

    Yes, the *it* and the *click*… if only it was so easy!

    Ferns

  9. I always come back :)

    ” “What if your shareholders could see you now, with your face to the floor and arse in the air… think they would be impressed, bitch?””
    That's exactly the kind of thing that pushes me into sub-space.

  10. N: “I always come back”

    And I thank you for it!

    “That's exactly the kind of thing that pushes me into sub-space.”

    It totally works for me also…

    But you see (back to your point about equating intellectual equality with the ability to humiliate…), I can be an intellectual midget and that kind of humiliation would still work, right? I do completely understand that you want someone who you respect in general (I do too), but there is a lot of wriggle room there in the area of 'more powerful' intellectually.

    Ferns

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