Professional online domination

Tribute must be included at first contact.
$50 for half an hour of IM.
$75 for half an hour of one way cam (she can see you, you cannot see her)
$100 for half an hour of two way cam.
Monthly contract for guaranteed IM, emails, photos, videos.
Phone domination at per-minute rate.
There will be no chance or possibility to meet, ever.

How do you react to the concept?

What if she has no real life experience with D/s? Does it make a difference?

What if she is a bona fide lifestyle and professional dominatrix? Does it make a difference?

 

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27 Comments

  1. Well, it would weed out the casual wankers.

    I think that as long as it plays out a typical male fantasy, if they're crazy enough to pay for virtual-only domination, then they won't mind (or actually know about) a lack of experience.

    Umm… does this mean I'll have to pay you 5 bucks every time I comment on your blog?

  2. Tom Allen: “I think that as long as it plays out a typical male fantasy, if they're crazy enough to pay for virtual-only domination, then they won't mind (or actually know about) a lack of experience.”

    That's true (both the fantasy and the experience bit), and let's be honest… any sex line workers are likely *not* big breasted blonde hotties lounging around with their girlfriends wearing lingerie who spend all day dreaming about deep throating and who get wet when you call (not *you*, Tom, I have it on very good authority that they get very excited every time they hear from you… Candy says 'hi' by the way… digression…).

    I waver between thinking kudos to a woman who actually makes money at this (regardless of experience) vs being self righteously offended that anyone with a decent imagination and no skills can make money by pretending to be something they are not (but hello, *all* sex workers do this, and I am not at all offended by it in general). Hence my add-on questions at the end. I am *less* offended if she is a 'real' domina, because it means she has 'paid her dues' somehow.

    I am still trying to clearly identify my indignant outrage, and I must admit that part of it is a jealous 'really?! $50 for half an hour of IMing?! I do that for free!!! When can I give up my day job?).

    “Umm… does this mean I'll have to pay you 5 bucks every time I comment on your blog?”

    $10, and it's back dated. You owe me $185 (one of your comments actually made me laugh… you get that one for half price…).

    Ferns

  3. money is good The only way to get experience is through experience. If you enjoy and the person who pays enjoys and they keep coming back you will have to quit your day job.

  4. Speaking from a completely personal perspective, the concept of a “pay for play” Domme leaves me cold.

    I was introduced to D/s by someone I met online. As I had no previous experience with it, I had no preconceived notions. She was also inexperienced in the lifestyle (although she knew a lot more than me) and was exploring her Dominant side. I was not even looking for that kind of relationship and yet, within a month, she had pulled me in completely and shown me a side of myself that I had not seen before. She won me over and together we were able to explore an entirely new approach to relationships.

    I simply do not think that a professional Domme could have had the same effect on me. This was not about her making a living by catering to my fantasies. I was not just one of many virtual “boys” who’s role was to fill her bank account. It was about someone who had taken the time to know me and gently but firmly lead me to accept my submissive side.

    Although we had to end our relationship when it began to intrude on her real life, it was caring, seductive, and totally hot. I still miss her every day.

    While I can respect anyone who can make a living by using the force of their personality to enchant others, for me anyway, it just isn’t good enough.

    1. Well, obviously, you are not the submissive this type of service caters to. There are lots of men who want exactly this and, for many of them, it is a big part of what they consider their submissiveness (they are so pathetic they will pay a woman money to mistreat them) and consider it a form of serving.

      I mean, really, if performed online when a real Domme has other real life minions doing her bidding, how else can a true sub serve. There needs to be an appropriate exchange of energy. The majority of the online experience is humiliation, of some sort, and unless the Domme is receiving more than the sub then the power exchange is off and, really, all that is happening is that a (most likely) fetishist is getting his rocks off. Subs serve and will do so in whatever fashion the Domina demands, if he wants her attention. Plain and simple.

      But it’s nice that you had such a positive introduction to learning how to top from the bottom.

  5. “How do you react to the concept?”

    I think up there with the “geek squad” at best buy. They charge you like $200 to turn on your tv and mess around with the brightness for 45 minutes.

    It makes me wonder how stupid you have to be to actually pay for something like that. Especially when it's mind bogglingly easy to find people to do it for free.

    “What if she has no real life experience with D/s? Does it make a difference?”

    No. You're still a moron for paying for something so ridiculous.

    “What if she is a bona fide lifestyle and professional dominatrix? Does it make a difference?”

    I don't even know what that means but I still think it equates to the person being a moron for paying for something like that.

    Part of me dislikes people for manipulating stupid people that way and the other part of me laughs at the stupid people doing stupid things.

    1. It’s interesting you consider other people so stupid. It must be difficult for others to be in the presence of such, obvious, brilliance. Really, can anyone ever stand a chance?

  6. I think it fills a niche market – there are some people, who for whatever reason, find it easier/more convenient/a better fit for their life style to pay for the kink they want.

    And if that works for them, if it makes them happy to get their kink that way, if it is satisfying to them, then that is fan-fucking-tastic.

    And if someone can make money providing a service like that to another person, then good for them too.

    Really, this ad isn't all that different from someone selling phone sex, camgirling, or something like that. While personally I have no interest in doing it, I don't have a problem with someone making money from those things either.

    It makes no difference, at least to me, if this person is a prodom, a life style domina, or a 17 year old girl who figured out how to get money out of lonely dudes on the internet. I tend to ignore it most of the time, because its something that I have no interest in, and ultimately doesn't affect me.

  7. It doesn't work for me at all. For me domination = love or at the least intense connection. I don't see how I could do it as a job, but then I couldn't have sex for money as a job either which would feel the same to me.

  8. In fact to turn it around I can see how much I don't like this – I couldn't have someone sub to me for money. Pretending to feel that for me; and not.

  9. Anonymous: “The only way to get experience is through experience…”

    True enough and a reasonable point. By the same token, if someone is offering online fantasies and has been doing that for a while, then they *are* offering exactly what they are experienced at.

    Ferns

  10. slapshot: “Speaking from a completely personal perspective, the concept of a “pay for play” Domme leaves me cold.”

    Thanks for your perspective, and your sweet personal story. I think there are many for whom a professional would not suit.

    Actually, when I first started exploring D/s, I also started online and had a long distance submissive in the days when international phone calls were prohibitively expensive, so there was not even a lot of phone contact. Regardless, I know that connection can be very powerful, and I still think fondly of him also.

    However, that's another topic entirely!

    Ferns

  11. Brids: “It makes me wonder how stupid you have to be to actually pay for something like that. Especially when it's mind bogglingly easy to find people to do it for free.”

    Yyyyyeaaahhh….nup. I don't believe it is as easy to find as you say. If *you* have found it easy, then I think that is unusual (though the argument that there are plenty of men out there pretending to be women etc might impact numbers here).

    If someone enjoys it and has the money to spend on it, I don't think that makes them stupid or a moron, it simply means that they think it is worth that. They might think you (the general 'you') are stupid for spending your money on things *they* don't think are valuable(trendy trainers, Wii games, iPhones etc…). It's simply a matter of resources and priorities.

    Ferns

  12. Wendy: “Really, this ad isn't all that different from someone selling phone sex, camgirling, or something like that.”

    You made me realise, with this comment, that I can understand that better… I *get* that, I understand what is being sold in those situations.

    I don't *get* so well the online domination, the IM and one way cam, which to me is selling something of *much* lesser value. As I write that, I question it… *I* think it's much lesser value probably because it's so damn easy. I don't think phone sex and cam girling (is that a word?) would be. With those, you have to (pretend to) be 'present' in real time in a way that you don't have to online.

    “It makes no difference, at least to me, if this person is a prodom, a life style domina, or a 17 year old girl who figured out how to get money out of lonely dudes on the internet.”

    It doesn't personally affect me either, and I am normally fine with any sort of 'service for pay' situation where something is offered, delivered and paid for. This, though, is something I have not seen advertised before, though I know there are many online tributes asked for, and it gave me pause because I wasn't quite sure why I looked twice at it.

    Ferns

  13. Mab: “For me domination = love or at the least intense connection. I don't see how I could do it as a job, but then I couldn't have sex for money as a job either which would feel the same to me.”

    Personally, I tend to agree with you. I haven't played casually for a long long time because I found it lacking, however I *can* separate BDSM play from intimacy, so I could conceivably do it.

    I think, though, that I would find it hugely draining because my desire to play is naturally linked to lust and affection. I know of some wonderful pro-Dommes who truly enjoy the interactions with their clients and I think if a client finds one of those, they are hugely lucky.

    “I couldn't have someone sub to me for money. Pretending to feel that for me; and not.”

    Yes, I totally get this. For it to work, you would have to be focussed on the 'acts' and not on the 'relationship'… it is bottoming, not submitting. Same the other way, though I think it is easier (guessing here!) for a submissive to fantasise that it is more than bottoming than for a dominant to fantasise that they are getting genuine submission.

    Ferns

  14. (not *you*, Tom, I have it on very good authority that they get very excited every time they hear from you… Candy says 'hi' by the way….

    :spits coffee:

    Dammit Ferns – I'd pay you the $185, but I have to buy a new keyboard and monitor now.

  15. “Yyyyyeaaahhh….nup. I don't believe it is as easy to find as you say. If *you* have found it easy, then I think that is unusual (though the argument that there are plenty of men out there pretending to be women etc might impact numbers here).”

    I'm sure men pretending to be women impacts the numbers a fair bit but that's aside the point. You don't know who you're talking to, you can only assume they're telling the truth. As long as they don't know, what's the difference?

    “If someone enjoys it and has the money to spend on it, I don't think that makes them stupid or a moron, it simply means that they think it is worth that. They might think you (the general 'you') are stupid for spending your money on things *they* don't think are valuable(trendy trainers, Wii games, iPhones etc…). It's simply a matter of resources and priorities.”

    It's a lot easier to get someone to have a sexual conversation over the internet for no charge than it is to convince a cashier that they should give you an xbox360 or an iPod for free. In fact, I don't think I've ever had someone suggest I pay them to continue a conversation with them. Ever.

    Though I would like to point out I was trying to be semi-joking in my post.

  16. Ok, so I worked as a pro-domme for a while. Didn't work for me but made me realize that no one was paying me to beat them – I would do that for free – they were paying me to never have a headache, never have a pimple, never be bloated, and never ask “when are we going to get more serious.”

    Sometimes you just want something simple, that doesn't cut into the rest of your life or expect you to call. And for what it's worth, most people in a customer service role don't care about you. They are pretending to care about your car insurance, or investments, or desire to be peed on by a 6 foot tall amazon because that is their job.

  17. Tom: “Dammit Ferns – I'd pay you the $185, but I have to buy a new keyboard and monitor now.”

    Pfffttt… there's always some excuse!

    Ferns

  18. Brids: “I'm sure men pretending to be women impacts the numbers a fair bit…As long as they don't know, what's the difference?”

    I am cherry picking this bit because it's SOO true, as long as it's online only, it shouldn't matter… but it freaks people out that they were sexually interacting with the 'wrong gender'… eep! Maybe it means they are secretly gay and now must kill themselves or something!

    “It's a lot easier to get someone to have a sexual conversation over the internet for no charge than it is to convince a cashier that they should give you an xbox360 or an iPod for free. In fact, I don't think I've ever had someone suggest I pay them to continue a conversation with them. Ever.”

    Now Brids, you are an articulate, smart young man. You are blessed. If you were one of the blockheads who starts conversations with “you prety, me is ur slave. me sniff ur armpits. stink good.” then I suspect you might be seeing a different side of life.

    Seriously though, it is a question of resources and priority. If you just want to play and don't want to put any of your charm to work (or don't have any), but have the money, it's simply a more straightforward option.

    “Though I would like to point out I was trying to be semi-joking in my post.”

    Point taken. The generalisation and the words 'stupid' and 'moron' were difficult for me to take as a joke.

    Ferns

  19. Alisa: “Ok, so I worked as a pro-domme for a while. Didn't work for me but made me realize that no one was paying me to beat them… they were paying me to never have a headache, never have a pimple, never be bloated, and never ask “when are we going to get more serious.””

    Thank you for your perspective, and yes, you make a great point. Though face-to-face pro-Dommeing is not at all a mystery to me. I completely understand the appeal of it for submissives who just want to get some play.

    My question is about *online* professionals who have no experience.

    “And for what it's worth, most people in a customer service role don't care about you. They are pretending to care about your car insurance, or investments, or desire to be peed on by a 6 foot tall amazon because that is their job.”

    *smile* Yes, absolutely right about the nature of the professional-client relationship.

    But an investment broker doesn't talk to you about what it might be like to make investments with no training or experience of actually dealing with real investment problems or policies…

    Ferns

  20. “but it freaks people out that they were sexually interacting with the 'wrong gender'… eep! Maybe it means they are secretly gay and now must kill themselves or something!”

    When I was…17? This happened to me. And it was creepy and gross and horrible. For like 15 hours. And then I got over it.

    Since then, I've gotten a lot more open minded and I'm not even bothered by it anymore. If it wouldn't have bothered me when I didn't know, why should it bother me when I do know? I'll stop talking to them of course but that's because they lied not because they're male.

    “If you were one of the blockheads who starts conversations with “you prety, me is ur slave. me sniff ur armpits. stink good.” then I suspect you might be seeing a different side of life.”

    I just may have to try that line someday. I don't think people are as stupid as they come across on the internet though.

    “If you just want to play and don't want to put any of your charm to work (or don't have any), but have the money, it's simply a more straightforward option. “

    Sometimes simply messaging people at random saying “hey! Wanna cyber? I'm into BDSM” gets you more responses than trying to be friends with people. Although the whole male playing a female thing does come in here…

    “The generalisation and the words 'stupid' and 'moron' were difficult for me to take as a joke.”

    Why is it people take those words so harshly? I find people seem to get more offended being called stupid than they do getting called something you'd think was a lot worse.

    And I was going to say something else and I forget now. Dammit…I knew I should have typed it up before responding to that last line.

  21. im a online domme, phone, webcam and email domination, i only charge one off tributes for non nomey slave subs, maybe i should charge more, ha ha

    1. Oh, you sent me an email also! Hello there!

      Here’s a copy of my email response to you about how to become a pro-Domme:

      You seem to be under the misapprehension that I am a pro-Domme. I’m not. So I really don’t know anything about it except for common sense, which I’ve outlined below.

      The first thing you need to do is to ensure that you understand the laws wherever you live so that you know what will and will not get you arrested (can physical assault be consented to? Is touching his genitals prostitution? etc). Then you need a well equipped dungeon space (atmosphere, furniture, toys) and the things most likely to be of interest to the majority of your customers (e.g. typical fetish gear, for a start). Then be sure you have the technical skills and equipment you need for the kind of services you are going to be offering.

      Then figure out what the going rate is in your area for a pro-domme, so that you know what sort of price you can charge for what. If you are new, you may want to start lower than those with experience. Then set up a professional looking website and do some marketing and advertising to see if you can attract some clients.

      Then figure out how you are going to protect yourself from crazies since you will essentially be getting into a sexually charged situation with a bunch of men who you have never met before.

      The investment in all of the above is likely to be thousands of dollars, so work out a business plan to ensure that you are making the investment wisely.

      Be prepared that professional dominantion work is not about D/s, it’s about providing a service. They are two very different things. Most clients will come in and say “I want to do x, y and z while you wear a, b and c and I want you to say these three things to me…”

      Join some pro-Domme groups on Fetlife and some pro-Domme websites to learn more. I only know of MaxFische.com (they have discussions there apparently, as well as advertising).

      One thing I forgot to mention is that you need to be very well versed in different aspects of the health side of it from sterilising equipment, preventing STIs, knowing CPR in case something goes wrong and being aware of what common client health issues mean for play (eg diabetes).

      Best of luck.

      Ferns

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