I specify in my (three sentence) profile that I do not accept chat invites. I have never heard from this person before.
22M, no location listed: But you accept skype video chat?
Me: No, not interested. – Ferns
Him: Ok can we chat on IM?
Me: If it has the word ‘chat’ in it: No.
For all I know you are boring as fuck (goodness knows your approach is indeed as boring as fuck) and I have better things to do than spend time in some chat window with some stranger to find out if that’s true.
I don’t understand why you would think for one second that that would be fun or interesting for me. Oh wait… you don’t CARE if it’s fun or interesting for me. Silly me. I don’t know what I was thinking.
A body project check-in… As a spoiler, I have not been doing so great in the last couple of months since I last updated on March 18. Note the consolation beach photo instead of a bicep photo (which I haven’t had the desire to take in case it’s demotivating!).
Read on to find out what’s been going on…
I am in a privileged position with my body project because I have the freedom and time to do what I want when I want, so building a routine and habits that support what I want to achieve is not that hard. Given that’s the norm, it was interesting to see how it all went when bambi was here.
If you recall, I had bambi making himself pretty(er) for me before he arrived. This worked wonderfully for both of us. I got to exert some control (which I love… duh), he got some motivation to work harder at getting fitter, and I cannot explain how much I LOVED that he was making himself prettier for me. So hot! LOVE!! He lost some 23 lbs (10.5kg) over the period (I know, right?!! Amazing!!), so it worked for us on many levels.
I had plans for his visit in terms of the body project (for both of us): I would take him to the gym with me to work out, he would eat all clean food with me, we would be like some creepy, uber-healthy couple, all ‘raaawwwrr’ and super-charged.
Given how it didn’t work between us, I didn’t feel comfortable pushing him into things he really didn’t want to do. Had the relationship been working, I’d have had no trouble saying, “Shut up, you’re eating salad and coming to the gym with me. Let’s go.” regardless of whether he really wanted to or not. But asserting myself with someone who is not on the way to becoming my submissive doesn’t work for me. That makes me feel like a naggy bitch trying to get all bossy with a friend.
So the first hurdle I had was that instead of me bringing him along on that health-kick, which would have been good for both of us, I was trying to get motivated to go to the gym on my own, while also doing all the stuff you do when you are spending time with someone new. So we went out, we ate, we drank, we had junk food etc, which means that not only was my habitual going-to-the-gym routine interrupted, but there was a lot of FOOD… BAD YUMMY FOOD EVERYWHERE!!
On top of that, my emotions were all over the place, and that impacted my motivation. From the excitement of bambi being here to the dawning realisation that it wasn’t working, I was emotionally distracted and that impacted my drive to get myself to the gym.
THEN add in the socialising, which was mentally and emotionally exhausting, I really just wanted to spend the time I had to myself hiding in my cave.
PLUS my Pilates class was on a two week hiatus over a holiday break.
You can see the sad April results here… not so great.
So along comes May. Bambi goes home. I am dealing with the aftermath, and give myself a week off. I manage a solid week at the gym after that, not *quite* getting my food back on track, but not too bad.
Then I had a long weekend with my sister, her birthday. SOO MUCH CHAMPAGNE!!! SOO MUCH FOOD!!
I’m back home this week and I’m completely depleted, so have given myself (another!) pass on the gym this week to curl up on the couch and try to recharge. I *am* back on the good foods, and went to Pilates twice, as normal.
So I am getting back into the swing of things.
I am being kind to myself and refusing to feel bad about it.
Onto more fun things: The results of the effort I have put in so far.
Bambi is the first boy to see the outcome of the body project up close and personal *smile*. While I’d love to attribute his reactions to me to all of the work I have been doing, I know, really, that he wouldn’t have been much different had I NOT done all that work. But still, I like that he appreciated the aesthetics, some of the muscles, and the strength of my body. That was really fun for me.
On the first day, we went for a walk along the beach. It was windy, so I went to put my hair up in a clip. That meant both hands up, biceps naturally flexing a little. As he watched, his eyes widened. He said, “Oh!” and reached in to kiss the muscle there *swoon*.
He enjoyed just touching me (which I adore!), and he especially liked my hip-bone and the hollow there, which fit beautifully into his hand, almost like it belonged. And while I was doing most of the butt-touching, grabbing, pinching and generally giving butt-attentions, there was hardly a time when I was in my bikini that he didn’t reach to touch my arse, waiting, I think, for me to tell him to stop it.
From my perspective, I was surprised by my own strength and that was wonderful for me. When I wrapped my legs around him, I had a fiercely powerful grip. I could manipulate and shove all 6’2, 200+ pounds of him around with the strength of my legs in many different positions, which was incredibly hot for me. I could control his movements, and put him (and keep him) where I wanted him, which I loved.
We also had a couple of tussles, and while I am sure he could have overpowered me if he hadn’t been afraid to hurt me, I held my own pretty good. I have no control, though, so I did literally bowl us both off the bed at one stage when we were wrestling around *laugh*. Fun, hot!
So, next week I will be back into it. Full on. I mean, if I’m going to do a birthday shot, I haven’t got long to get pumped, right?
Play with bambi
Things we did: A list.
- body washing
- tease and denial
- short term chastity
- arse play
- nipple clamps
- more kissing
- bondage (rope)
- cuffs & clips
- body worship
- wartenberg wheel
- toenail polish
- domestic service
- more kissing
- sex (oral, PIV, hand jobs, fingers)
- cock sucking (Realdoe)
- face slapping
- hair pulling
Things we did not do: A list.
- more of ALL of the above: harder, different, softer, sideways, backwards, longer, slower, faster, more intense, MOAR… JUST MOAR…
- … also, loads of OTHER stuff…
More things we did:
- waxing (him)
- steel claw
- body writing
The lovely AudioDiva was kind enough to share the story of meeting her boy, and how their relationship developed. She sweetly added that ‘life is pretty fantastic’, and their story bears that out. It’s just lovely *happy sigh*.
I met My boy last year while I was in the middle of a bad break up from my vanilla husband. My ex & I were in the BDSM scene when we met 10yrs before, but our relationship had always been vanilla & there came a time when our differences made it impossible to continue. I felt very broken, but a week after he left, for the last time after a year of problems, I went to our local Munch just to see what the community had to offer, since my previous experience was in another city. I was in no way ready to consider actually playing or getting into a relationship, but I had been gone from the scene for quite a while & in order to join the local group you have to attend 2 Munches, so I figured the sooner I got started the better. I had also joined Fet, which is the location of our local group’s online interactions, and read a lot of different profiles.
At my first Munch in over 10yrs, I sat at a table with this very nice, rather odd looking and yet adorable man, who introduced himself. I talked to him & a couple of others at the table. Everyone was very nice, but he actually gave me his Fet name & asked if I would like to Friend him. When he said his name I was surprised that his was one of the profiles that I had read closely and someone I had hoped to meet eventually. During the Munch he also mentioned that he played country & oldies music every week at a club about an hour from my home. Being broken, and needing a change, I decided that this might be just what I needed. At the same time we began chatting regularly on Yahoo. It turns out he was in a similarly broken state, following the break up of a 6yr Ds relationship and some major health problems (seizure disorder with poor prognosis at the time, along with back injury).
I went to the dance the next week & was surprised to see that I was the youngest in the room by about 20yrs. As it turns out the dances are marketed to seniors & at 38 I hardly qualified, but at the first dance he introduced me to some lovely ladies, & the gentleman were excited to have someone who had no idea how to dance, but was willing to learn. He watched all this from the stage & over time he had fun listening to all the come-on lines that were used. The following month he house-sat for a friend and I spent almost every night with him there. This was where we had our first scene, which changed everything for me. For the first time, in a VERY long time, I felt truly desired & desirable & adored – an EXTREMELY heady experience. It also became clear that he was a service sub who needed someone to serve & a place to work on large projects and I was living alone in a 3500 sq. ft. home that needed a lot of work.
As his house-sitting drew close to an end, I learned that he was looking for a new place to stay. While it was still early in our relationship, I assured him that, regardless of what happened between us romantically, he would have a place to stay in my house. Soon after he moved in, 14 months ago, it was clear that my house had become Our Home. Even though we each have a bedroom, we have never spent a night apart in the house, we just move back and forth between the two (this way we each have room for our stuff & I get to keep my waterbed). We now also have a dedicated Dungeon/Playroom & a guest room, thanks to his hard work.
I work during the week. Before I wake up, he gets up and makes me my Chai, along with his coffee, brings it to me & when I wake we perv Fet & talk until I start getting ready to leave. I usually make breakfast, since cooking is my only household chore. While I am gone he makes the bed, cleans the kitchen, along with other areas of the house, he makes floggers or play furniture, and does yard work. When I get home I make dinner & we hang out together, talking about our days & watching TV. Then we may have a tickle war, or we may have sex, but we always cuddle when falling asleep. On the weekends we go to local events, both BDSM & musical.
This is from my Fet profile writings just a month after he moved in & it is still true:
“My boy is always looking for ways to make my life easier – Some examples include: fixing things (chairs, toilets, internet issues, faucets, the perfect study area), making the bed, doing the laundry, planning improvements on the house, preparing me drinks and snacks before I leave for work (cooking is not his area), keeping me on point/on time/focused, singing to me, holding me when life gets overwhelming, making me laugh, letting me cry, telling me how beautiful I am until I really believe it, supporting my decisions – even when he disagrees, offering me a different viewpoint, listening, respecting my limits, giving me a shoulder to fall asleep on, and of course the most amazing HOT kinky sex I have ever had, anytime I want (who knew daily ass worship would make me insatiable) and someone to experiment with/on – of course this is just a few of the things he did this week, so who knows what he will offer next week :) ”
Of course this all depends on how he is feeling. Because of his health, he has good days & bad days, but in 14 months I can count on 1 hand the number of days he didn’t make my Chai and he has never failed to cuddle. With minimal stress his health has actually stabilized somewhat.
I admire his determination not to let his disability define him. I commend the money he raises for others in need. I love listening to him sing. I appreciate hearing his observations on human nature, because he is extremely intuitive & observant. I particularly love how he makes me feel valued, adored and desired in such fundamental ways. It just gives me a thrill when he calls me Ma’am, especially when I can flash back to his face buried in my ass or seeing him bent over working on my car.
While we do play, he is primarily a service sub & partner, so we are looking at including others for play only. I need to practice more so I feel more confident & he isn’t always up to it. Communication is definitely the key & I was reticent to suggest it until I felt we were both secure in our relationship. He knows that I have no interest in replacing him, merely improving our lives & playtime.
Although we are VERY different, in upbringing, age, education, experiences etc… this absolutely works for me because we are building something unique together. We are getting more involved in our BDSM community, hosting events & attending more often. I am launching my career & he is an amazing source of support.
Like all relationships, it requires work, but I cannot imagine my life without him. While he is not fond of the term, I am proud to claim him as My boy.
This post is part of an ongoing project to share happy, positive femdom relationship stories. If you have a story and are willing to share it, please email it to me (ferns AT domme-chronicles DOT com).
I had a month with bambi, a week and a half to myself after he left, then this past weekend, I had four days staying with my sister and niece.
If you aren’t an introvert, this doesn’t sound like anything much.
If you ARE an introvert, you might understand when I say that I am tapped out. Socially and emotionally, I am completely empty.
And this happens even though the people I was spending time with were perfectly lovely. That makes no difference whatsoever.
Right now, I feel like an empty void, and if I have to talk to ONE MORE PERSON, I swear I will tear their head off just for expecting me to make nice and maintain the most basic level of polite interaction.
There is a ‘thing’ that happens when I find a partner who matches me. They come into my ‘inner circle’, and they feed me instead of draining me. It is, I imagine, how extroverts feel about people in general, or about friends, whether they are casual or really close.
For me, I really don’t feel that with anyone except my very closest friends, and my partner (and actually, even with close friends, I sometimes can’t do it). I struggle to not just shut down when I have to keep bringing social energy into a situation. I find it exhausting, trying, and *really* hard work, and I can feel my reserves being sucked dry as time drags on and I have to keep it up. It makes me edgy and cranky and resentful.
It’s not their fault. At all. I recognise that, so I heap a healthy dose of guilt on top of the strong desire to just sneak out of the place and get some solitude.
This is not really a whining post, though it might sound like one. I am really pondering how my introversion gets sidelined when someone is a good fit for me.
When it works with someone, I crave their company, and instead of feeling drained by them, I feel energised in all the right ways: I feel my synapses firing all ‘pow powpow’ on multiple levels. Intellectually, emotionally, physically it feels like I crackle with this wild positive energy, I am excited by them, they inspire me, I am beside myself to see what happens next with them, and I just want to dig deeper and get more and more.
In short, when I am enamoured, I feel like they are ‘inside the bubble’ with me, and everyone else is outside, so with them, I am immunised from all of my normal ways of feeling. And that’s why it works.
I just need to find it, is all…
I tend to think that I don’t really use Australianisms or slang so much, but then, I WOULD think that wouldn’t I? Some words or phrases are just so uniquely ‘Australian’, and I don’t realise it until I use them and find that they are completely incomprehensible to someone who isn’t Australian. It’s even funnier when I’m called on them (“Why do you say it like that?!”) because there are heaps that I can’t actually make ANY sense of myself. In short, I am often talking nonsensical gobbledygook.
So, for your amusement, here is a (non-exhaustive) list of Australian words and phrases that I actually use:
average – not good, worse than average. Usage: “Yeah that pie was really average.”
back of Bourke (pronounced ‘bakkaburk’) – wayyy out in the country
bevan – stereotypical revhead (see ‘revhead’). Also called ‘westies’ in Sydney because they are often found in the Western suburbs
big call – making a statement that might be stretching credibility. Usage: “Saying you’re going to win is a big call!”
big note – brag. Usage: “Nobody likes it when you big note yourself.”
bikkie – biscuit (cookie)
boring as batshit – really really boring
budgie – budgerigar
budgie smugglers – speedos (see ‘dick togs’)
BYO – Bring Your Own. In relation to eateries, it means you can bring your own alcohol
chemist – drug store
chuck – throw. Usage: “Chuck the ball!” Also, oddly, used specifically with ‘sickie’ (as in ‘to chuck a sickie’)
clubbies – lifesavers (as in ‘the ones who belong to the clubs that patrol our beaches’, not as in ‘candy’)
cockie – cockroach
corkage – price you pay for bringing your own alcohol to an eatery
cozzie – short for ‘swimming costume’ (see ‘togs’). Note: NOBODY actually says ‘swimming costume’, that would be weird!
dacks – pants
dag – literally the matted wool that hangs from a sheep’s arse. Colloquially, an affectionate term for someone uncool, a dork. Usage: “You’re such a dag!”
dagwood dog – corndog
dick togs – refers to a particular style of small, tight men’s swimming costume (typically Speedos)
digger – Australian (and NZ) soldiers (originally coined to refer to WW1 troops in Turkey)
dob – to tattle tale, snitch. Usage: “You shouldn’t have done that, I’m gonna dob!”
doona – bed quilt
DTs (pronounced ‘dee tees’) – short for ‘dick togs’.
Ekka – Brisbane exhibition (annual fair where country folk show off their cows and etc)
esky – large insulated box you put cold things in for a picnic (ice box?)
fair call – as opposed to a ‘big call’, a pretty reasonable statement can be referred to as a ‘fair call’
fairy floss – cotton candy
flake – (on the menu in takeaway fish shops) It’s shark, folks!
footy – football, I think usually this refers to Rugby Union, but I use it for all kinds of football because I DON’T CARE!
fruit loop – crazy
give it a burl – have a shot at it. Usage: “I’ve never built a box girder bridge before, but I’ll give it a burl.”
jug – electric kettle
jumper – warm pullover of any kind
kindie – kindergarten
lolly – sweets, candy. Note: ‘Chocolate’ is not a ‘lolly’
Macca’s – McDonalds. Note: They are officially changing signs to ‘Maccas’ here
mozzie – mosquito
nappy – diaper
nipper – young lifesavers
ocker – stereotypical Australian
onya – literally ‘on you’. Short for ‘good on you’, a pat on the back
op shop – thrift store
pash – snog, making out, long passionate kissing
pissed – drunk (if someone is angry, they are ‘pissed off’, not just ‘pissed’)
pokies – poker machines
pot (context: in a bar) – A 285ml glass of beer (unique to Queensland and Victoria)
pozzie – position
prezzie – present (fine, let’s just face it: Australians take ANY word, shorten it, and add ‘ie’ on the end!!)
revhead – mostly refers to males (but can be female) who have an unholy interest in their hotted-up cars, who drive around showing off their hotted up cars, are generally young, obnoxious, loud, prone to violence and really rude. Note: One can be a revhead without actually owning a car, though credibility there is stretched
road train – semi trailer with three or more trailers
root – to have sex with (okay, I don’t use this myself, but it makes me laugh to see ‘Roots’ on a t-shirt)
rubber neck – to stare at something, esp tourists. Usage: “The traffic was really slow because everyone was rubber necking at the accident…”
schooner – a measure of beer (425 mL, 15 oz., 3/4 of a pint)
shout – usually with drinks, to buy a round. Also in general, to treat someone. Usage: “My shout” or “Are you shouting?”
sickie – taking a sick day off work when you aren’t sick. Usage: “I chucked a sickie.”
sook – being a baby by pouting or whining
sooky la la – like a sook only worse. Usage: “Stop being such a sooky la la!”
spit the dummy – get upset. Usage: “Wow, he really spat the dummy!” Also, to ‘have a dummy spit’.
squizz – look. Usage: “Have a squizz at this!”
stuffed – depends totally on context. Can mean ‘tired’ or ‘full of food’ or ‘totally screwed’.
sunnies – sunglasses
surfies – people who surf
taking the piss – making fun of something/someone
thongs – flip flops
togs – generic term for what you wear to go swimming in
trackies – track suit (usually refers to just the pants)
tracky dacks – track suit pants (see also ‘trackies’ and ‘dacks’)
treadly – bicycle
two-pot screamer – someone who gets drunk really quickly (see ‘pot’)
uggies – ugg boots
undies – underwear
uni – university
unit/flat – apartment
ute – utility vehicle. Any sort of truck with a tray on the back
veggies – vegetables
Crikey, that’s a long list!!
Note: I hate to disappoint you though: I NEVER say ‘crikey!’